Heroic Mothers

You won’t read about her in history books.
In fact, you almost wouldn’t read about her at all, except for one small thing; her son mentioned her. I was interviewing her son and daughter-in-law about their experiences growing up in segregated East Texas for a series I am doing on African American high schools in our region.
It turns out his mom sowed the seeds of justice in his heart in the 1950s when he was just a young kid.
What she did was simple.
She loaded up a pickup truck with every brave soul she could find who would participate in her well-intentioned misadventure.
She was the mother of eleven children; I admire her courage for that alone.
The pickup was loaded with a cargo of humans who were mostly her offspring and a few close friends who didn’t have the heart to say no to this determined woman. The stakes were high for her, based on who was in the back of that truck.
Their small band of parents and children, not much of an army, stormed the Brownsboro school district’s administration building in broad day light, walked right into the Superintendent’s office, and demanded enrollment with the white students of Brownsboro Independent School District.
David and Goliath. No odds maker in his right mind would take that bet.
In fact, nothing much changed.
Some of her neighbors thought she was crazy for stirring up trouble and they didn’t mind telling her so, but that was about it.
Nothing changed, except for the seeds planted in the hearts of her kids.
She didn’t know she was heroic.
Gertrude Cofer Evans of Moore Station, Texas.
Remember that name.
Not because she would want the attention. Not because you’ll ever see it in a history book.
But because she stood up for what was right.
And she taught her kids do so.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Mom’s Day Made Easy

What to give Mom for Mother’s day?
Oh that’s easy. Here’s a list of favorite gifts, where to get them, and how much they should cost.
For the Best Lotion, along with lots of other reasonably priced, delightful little treats, shop the Tyler Rose Museum’s Gift Shop. My favorite thing about the shop, though, is the lead salesperson Pat Johnson. For under $20, I walked out with Camille Beckman Rosewater Glycerine Hand Therapy, some rose-themed hand napkins, and a fun rose-shaped lip gloss. Shhh, don’t tell my mom.
For Best Chocolates, along with an ever-changing array of clothing and home fashions, I depend on Potpourri House. Locally owned, Les Elsworth keeps a selection of The Sweet Shop chocolates in a special display case and will wrap even one piece, say, champagne truffle, in a gold bag fit for mom. At less than $3 a piece for a bite of pure decadence, why stop at one?
Best Fine Dining? Well, that’s tough because East Texas has so many great choices, but I like Villa Montez for gourmet flavors, atmosphere, and price.
Best Blackened Catfish to be had, without a doubt, is at Edom Bakery, prepared by Chef Jackson York. Tell him I sent you; it’s not on the menu, but it is oh-so-good.
It’s not Mother’s Day without a Best Picnic. Brookshire’s FRESH wins in this category. I recommend bringing a cooler so you can take sushi, followed by Crème Brulee from their French pastry case. When they offer to melt the sugar crust on top, say yes.
The Best Book I’ve read lately is The Collected Stories of Eudora Welty, the author known for her southern perspective. Not your mother’s genre? I recommend Trudy’s Fireside Books, where under the guidance of Trudy’s friend and successor, James Leath, you are sure to get good advice. Plus, most of his books are gently-loved, so you can pick up a great little bargain. Mom will be so proud of you.
The Best Flower is a magnolia blossom, which could be obtained for free in your yard or from a neighbor. Or Sandra Abbiati of A Wishing Well Florist in downtown Bullard recently delivered some of the prettiest tulips I’ve ever seen.
Deliver any item on this list with a hug - or a phone call if she lives far away - and I guarantee she’ll love it.
That’s an easy guarantee because we all know it’s the hug or the phone call she really wants.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Gun Safety; a Mom’s most-feared the oxymoron

A kid brought a BB gun on a Bullard school bus causing a serious stir on the rumor mill among worried parents, but fortunately no other disturbances.

Thanks to the alert and quick handling by school officials, and some well thought out policies and training, we are not reporting a tragedy in this week’s paper.

When I heard the rumors, my first thought was: There but for the grace of God go I.

My husband was in charge of gun safety at our house because, well, bluntly my dad did such a good job on gun safety over 40 years ago that I am paranoid of guns to this day.

Gun safety is an oxymoron, if you ask me.

Thank heavens God gave my children two parents because my husband has a more judicious, less hysterical approach.

I never worried about our daughters, too much, being hormonally predisposed to a sensible, practical approach to weapons.

In fact, one of our daughters recently finished her Concealed Handgun License, or CHL. I love to brag about her perfect score on the target shooting section of the training.

Her daddy rewarded her by buying her a sleek, small black handgun that looks like a toy. I have no idea how it feels cus I won’t get near it.

Knowing she is licensed to carry actually makes me sleep sounder at night.

My son is getting there, too, but that hasn’t always been the case.

As a 3-year-old, he would slip out of the house and stop traffic with his plastic cowboy pistols. The main danger was to his mother who suffered serious panic attacks on multiple occasions with that kid’s adventures.

Fortunately, the neighbors quickly grew to anticipate the unexpected and graciously proceeded with extreme caution while he outgrew the sheriff stage.

We took the obvious precautions with our guns.

-We locked them in a gun safe with a combination, not a key, lock.

-I insisted on trigger locks on each and every gun inside the safe.

-We kept the ammo in a separate, secure place on the other side of the house.

Our kids know “All guns are always loaded, even the ones you think are unloaded.” They also know to get the heck out of Dodge if they see anyone holding a gun in an unsafe way or place. Run, don’t walk.

We live in Texas. People keep as many guns as they keep Bibles in their homes. And that’s a lot.

But for heaven’s sakes, there are things you can do to keep guns out of the hands of children.

Do so, or suffer serious personal consequences, folks.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

How to Raise Faithful Kids

Our family adopted a beautiful, smart black and white Border Collie from a rescue shelter for our son when his big sisters left for college a few years ago.

We brainstormed and came up with a list of fifty or so names, including terrific choices like “Scout” from To Kill a Mockingbird.

“Lucy. I want to name my dog after my wife,” demanded the 8-year-old, proud new owner of man’s best friend.

I’m not sure how that’s going to work out, but the dog’s name is Lucy. Up until that moment, it had also been his prayer nickname for his future spouse.

So, how do you teach a child to care about someone they haven’t met yet?

-Teach your kids the true answers to the question, “How does God define marriage?” This includes answers to questions like, “When is a marriage official in God’s sight?” and “What are God’s purposes for marriage?”

-Don’t wait until they are teenagers to think and talk about their future spouses. Begin today.

-Be reasonable and consistent about dating. All kids need some social interaction, but do they really need to be alone as a couple in a car? Group activities are so much healthier and more practical than pairing up.

-Set a high standard for yourself as a parent. Be strict with yourself about how you interact with your co-workers and friends of the opposite sex.

-Say encouraging things to your kids, like “Your future spouse is out there right this minute” or “Your school friends may be the ones to introduce you to your future spouse” or my personal favorite, “Would you really want your friends telling her that you crushed on every girl in middle school?”

-Have fun as a family. Welcome your children into the social aspects of your life when they are small and they’ll be more likely to include you in their lives when they are teens. Make life fun.

I can’t wait to meet my future daughter-in-law. I just hope her name isn’t really Lucy. It could be awkward.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Girl Scout Cookies

My New Year’s diet always has an expiration date. It ends March 1.

That’s inevitably when I run into the first Girl Scout Troup selling boxes of temptation outside the grocery store.

You know what I’m talking about. Those adorable girls in their matching costumes, giggling and chatting behind folding tables, working hard to earn money for a good cause; they make succumbing to temptation feel downright righteous.

All of which would NOT be such a high-caloric problem if only I was willing to share.

Let’s face it; those cookies are so addictive that you cannot possibly open a box without eating each and every crumb.

It requires a strategy to get even one cookie once your family discovers that you have purchased a box.

Fortunately, a long and delicious life has taught me a thing or two about getting my fair share of the Girl Scout Cookies.

First, buy at least ten boxes every time you run into the girls. It’s for a good cause.

Second, when you get home wrap all the Thin Mints in brown paper bags and hide them in the back of the freezer.

Next, throw the family off the scent by putting all the Dosidos in plain sight in the front of the freezer.

Finally, put several boxes of Trefoils out on the counter as if you are an unselfish mom who intended to share.

And, just in case your family is onto your tricks, eat a whole box of Thin Mints in the parking lot before you leave the grocery store.

Favorite uses of Girl Scout Cookies:

-Sneaking two boxes into the movie theater on date night (not that I’ve ever done that.)

-Bringing them to school functions with the comment, “You know I don’t cook, but…” Believe me, no one cares that you don’t do homemade.

-Using them as a bribe for just about anything you want your family to do, as in “There could be a box of Girl Scout Cookies in it for you if you help me with my technology.”

I was disappointed to learn that the young man who mows our grass only takes Girl Scout Cookies as a tip, not full payment.

Back in January, I made a near fatal mistake of running into some early sellers in a different part of the state. Did you know that Girl Scout Cookies are released at different times in different parts of Texas? Who knew?

Personally, I think there should be a warning label on each box: “Could be dangerous for your diet if you are traveling.”

The moral of this story is simple: Don’t leave East Texas between Jan 1 and March 1. Stay where it’s safe.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Less Fat, More life

DIET is a four-letter word.

Imagine the frustration that word is stirring up in the heart of a teenager who was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure; a problem that temporarily bumped him out of the sports he loves and landed him in the hospital. Bummer.

Life is not fair.

His mom happens to have a friend who is a self-trained expert on how to fail at every diet. That would be me. I have a wealth of unwanted experience about trimming the fat and upping the nutritional value of my calories.

In honor of my friend’s son, here are the things that turn out to be kinda easy:

-Google all the fast food restaurants and pick out one item you like on each menu that is less than 300 calories, maybe a little more for guys. That way you’ll have a “safe” choice when you are hanging out with your friends. You’ll be surprised; who knew a small cup of slaw could pack a whopping 600 calories.

-Pick out a sugarless jam or jelly to eat on your toast instead of butter. This can cure a sweet tooth.

-Spread a teaspoon of peanut butter or Neufchatel on a whole-wheat cracker or flat pretzels if you find yourself craving fat. Or choose avocado because it will give you a dose of potassium and you can add onions and tomatoes and have guacamole.

-Teenagers always love Rotel dip, but add a can of vegetarian refried beans and at least get a little real food in there with the Velveeta.

-Keep boiled eggs in the fridge. Cut them in half and throw away half the yoke.

-My friend who is a personal trainer tells me that people who are successful at losing weight keep diaries of what they eat each day. I can’t seem to be that organized more than one week at a time, so I just do it every other week. To me, overeating is a lot like when folks quit smoking for a week, that’s still a week less lung pollution or a week of eating for good health. It can’t hurt.

-Find some easy, crock pot recipes, like lo-cal lo-fat soups, so when you walk in your door tired and hungry the smell that greets you will be temptingly healthy.

-Invest in a sturdy, non-stick skillet.

-Experiment to find the changes your family might not notice, like tossing a few tablespoons of bran or oatmeal into your regular baking recipes. Or replacing some of the butter with small amounts of olive oil.

No, there’s nothing earth shaking on this list; just a few easy changes that your family might be willing to swallow, like drinking more water and less soda pop.

Who knows? A few less calories today might mean a longer, healthier life for the whole family.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

The Painless Perfect Pizza Crust List

Nothing says welcome home like pizza! Or TV night in front of the fireplace.

This time of year, warm homemade pizza is a family night waiting to happen, especially if the crust is easy and everybody pitches in to create individual designer pizzas.

The secret to a good crust is in greasing the pan with olive oil and sprinkling it with corn meal instead of flour.

Here’s a list of easy crusts available in our local grocery stores. Pre-made crusts are easiest, of course, but the mixes are easy, too, and have the advantage of saving money. 1 star means no thanks, 5 stars means Bon appétit!

-Jiffy Pizza Crust Mix. Tastes too much like Bisquick for our family. Serves 1 teenage boy. 2 stars.

-Valutime Crispy Pizza Crust Mix. The kids liked this one best, but the adults thought it was too limp. Serves 1 teenage boy. 3 stars.

-Martha White Pizza Crust Thin & Crispy Mix. This was the adult favorite because it held its shape and tasted of yeast, instead of baking soda. Serves 1 teenage boy. 4 stars.

-Pillsbury Pizza Crust Classic. This one is definitely the easiest, but most expensive of the ones you have to spread yourself. It has a good texture, but tastes a little biscuit-y for me. Serves 2 teenage boys. 3 stars.

-Brookshire’s Facochia Bread. Add 8 ounces of grated cheese on top and a salad and you have a meal for four. 5 stars.

-Mama Mary’s 100% Whole Wheat Pizza Crusts. Too dry. Teenage boys won’t eat it. 1 star.

-Boboli Original Pizza Crust. For the money, I prefer mix and bake styles. They taste fresher.

Other things Italian:

-We tried two varieties of Alessi Breadsticks, Grissini Torinesi Rosemary or Garlic. The garlic ones are traditional, a little thicker. (2 stars). The Rosemary ones are very thin, delicious, and wrapped in individual servings, easy to pack in lunches. (5 stars).

-World Classics Artichoke Antipasto. I saved so much on crusts, I couldn’t resist trying this little jar of goodness, even though it was a splurge. I sampled it as a spread on toast (2 stars), with pasta (3 stars), and as a hot artichoke dip mixed with cream cheese and topped with parmesan (5 stars). I recommend it as a hostess gift, too.

Designer pizzas are a fun, inexpensive, easy way to bring your whole family into the warmth of the kitchen on winter nights.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Reasons Women Love Hunting Season

As I write, it’s Saturday morning; I’m still in my PJ’s enjoying my second cup of coffee in the peaceful stillness that can’t possibly be my house. There’s a chill in the air…..

And that, my friends, is the #1 reason why women love hunting season.

A momentarily quiet house.

I am so okay with the men taking off to hunt without me. But that’s not the only thing that’s great about hunting:

#2 Meeting girlfriends at restaurants and shopping with no time restraints.

#3 Feeling totally un-guilty about buying a new outfit because the guys stocked up on all kinds of expensive new gear in the name of camo and amo right before they left.

#4 The men come in after each hunt with new stories to tell, like notches on a gun belt.

Sorting fact from fiction is all part of the fun. Like the top-secret rituals of a men’s fraternity,

only the initiated will ever know what really scared away the big buck.

#5 Women love what spending time with the men in their life does for our sons’ self-confidence.

#6 We love the way our sons swagger when they comes home after a hunt.

#7 And what about the awe mixed with regret that every little boy experiences the first time he shoots a squirrel with a BB gun? Then, strange as it sounds, each and every hunt after that reminds him again that “Life is Sacred.”

#8 It’s so reassuring when they come home and only the game was killed. Yeah, women tend to worry or pray the whole weekend.

#9 Not to mention the fact that sons go to bed early for two nights afterwards because they are so exhausted from the crazy hours and the fresh air.

#10 And yes, women like the way hunting puts us in control of the remote for a change, not to mention getting to watch chick flicks all weekend.

Seriously, there must be something sobering and thought-provoking about wandering about in God’s creation - the beautiful fields and forests of Texas - and beholding the way a mighty and good Maker rules His domain. The men always return refreshed and ready to recommit to leading and serving others.

Last, but not least, I think it is oh-so-cool when they cook what they kill which means I get a kitchen pass.

Oh, the glories of the hunt!

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Entertaining Kids is Highly Overrated: Nine Tips to Delete “Bored” From Your Summer

“Mom, I’m bored.”
Yes, summer is when all children everywhere try to shift the burden of entertaining themselves to mom.
Entertaining children is highly overrated, in my experienced opinion.
Never one to take on additional responsibilities regarding my children because they were already so much work, I always balked.
“Okay, get out a pen and a piece of paper,” I responded each year sometime during the first week of June.
Kids are way too smart to fall for any tricky business that involves pen and paper after school is out, so already I had them on the run.
With groaning and complaining, they proceeded to list their goals for the summer. Then, we posted them on the fridge, in case boredom struck again. I saved the lists; they are pretty cute.
If you are lucky enough to still have bored young ones in your home, here’s a list to arm you for the summer ritual:
-Walk the dog. Wash the dog. Teach the dog tricks.
-Create a sweet treat. Clean up the mess. Deliver it to a neighbor.
-Interview an elderly person about history.
-Plan an easy craft. Invite a younger child over to play.
-Plan a meal for the family. Make the grocery list. Guess at the cost of items on the list. Take it to the grocery store and shop with a separate cart for the items. Give the cashier the money and compare it to the estimate. Prepare the meal for the family.
-Make a special table decoration and set the table. Eat by candlelight.
-Make paper dolls using cookie cutters for patterns.
-Write a screenplay and act it out with siblings, neighbors, or cousins. Video tape it.
-Choose an amazing book and take turns reading it out loud together. Then, rent the movie version.
-Play an old-fashioned board game, like Candy Land or Sequence. Make caramel corn in the microwave. (For the recipe, go to my blogsite.)
I know times have changed with so many moms working. Children spend summer almost as busy as they are the rest of the year.
But don’t forget to schedule in a little down time. Being bored is good for kids. It gives them a chance to think about and make their own plans for a few hours.
Boredom can be a good thing, especially if it produces a disciplined mind.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:/checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

The Gift of Perspective, Mom’s Day 2009

Life has a way of putting things into perspective.
My mom is the kind of person who everybody wishes would mentor them.
Even if I could list all the community service she has done over the years, I wouldn’t do it. She’d be mad at me for the attention. And, even though I’m fifty now, she is still my mom and I know better than to mess with her.
Anyway, the things she did around my home town are not nearly as impressive as the things she did accidentally along the way with her kids.
Take, for instance, the last time we saw her Uncle Ernest alive.
Ernest Wilson grew up on a farm with four other brothers, eeking out a living in a family accustomed to the struggle of surviving.
He volunteered for WWII and soon found himself assigned to Dwight D. Eisenhower. After the war, he was invited to stay on as personal secretary to the general, soon to be president.
It was an invitation Ernest turned down because he had other dreams.
So, he came back to Texas, studied geology and was soon helping to guarantee that our nation’s oil supplies would be coming out of the ground in Texas.
At which point, he did a profound thing with his newfound wealth.
He paid for his nieces to go to college. Thus, my mom became a geologist herself. And she also met a cute Austin boy with a charming personality at the university.
The last time I saw Uncle Ernest, he was a few days away from death, pretty much comatose, in a nursing home in Dallas.
I can imagine my mom’s perspective; it was probably a difficult decision to take us kids to see him in that condition. She would have worried that we would remember him the wrong way, as frail rather than amazing.
My perspective is entirely different, of course.
I remember the tender way she sat on the edge of his bed and whispered her affection to him. I remember that he stirred briefly as if to respond.
Mom and I were remembering that day recently and we wondered what Uncle Ernest’s perspective would have been.
Was he disappointed to be confined to a bed, this man with the insatiable drive? Honestly, he didn’t seem restless at all; he seemed peaceful.
When you think about it from a certain perspective, sleep feels pretty good.
Waking occasionally to find someone you love hovering over you to tenderly tell you again how much they love and appreciate you, that’s pretty good, too.
This is how you treat the people you love, I remember thinking as a kid.
Thanks, Mom. I’m the lucky kid who got to be mentored by you in the quiet, accidental places where Life really matters.
And Happy Mother’s Day to all the gentle, loving moms out there, mentoring as you go.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Instant Soup Ratings: For Chilly Days, Part 1

Nothing chases away a chill this time of year like a steamy bowl of soup.
I think cooking will probably be part of my life again when I get the hang of this balancing act called working mom. But for now, well, I am discovering that cooking is no longer an option.
So, I put my crock pots into the work force, too.
Yes, I am the proud owner of not one, not two, but a grand total of four, count ‘em, four crock pots. No one is paying me to say it, but I love crock pots. They appeal to the part of my soul that longs for efficiency and control.
The following instant soups are NOT designed for crock pots, but being desperate for supper-time relief, I tried them in the crock pot anyway. 10 spoons means I got a kitchen-pass that’s as simple as filling the crock pot with water and opening an envelope.
-3 spoons. Wyler’s Mrs. Grass Hearty Soup Mix, Homestyle Creamy Chicken with Wild Rice. I put in 8 cups of water and tossed in the mix, stirred it around and left it all day. It was too thick at supper time, so I added another 2 cups of water and threw in some sautéed chicken breast, diced. My husband and I could eat it, but my son switched to instant mac and cheese instead. Sad, but true, mac qualifies as a food group at our house.
-8 spoons, at least. Williams Country Store Home Style Soup Mix, Tortilla Soup. It was so good that you could buy two bags, set out garnishes like grated cheese and fresh cilantro and serve it when friends come over to watch a basketball game. It is necessary to add chicken or beef to the pot, especially for company.
-9 spoons, our family’s favorite so far. Bear Creek Country Kitchens Minestrone Soup Mix. I took out the bowtie pasta before I put the rest of the mix in the pot. I added raw carrots, celery, and mushrooms, and two 4 oz. raw chuck steaks. Twenty minutes before supper time, I cut the cooked steak into chunks and added the bowties. The soup was so good even my son had nice things to say, right before he boiled the macaroni.
-9 spoons. Alessi Traditional Zuppa Toscana Tuscan Whitebean Soup. I started with the 4 ½ cups water, added the mix and 4 cups of chopped raw carrots. By evening, I had a scrumptious, tasty soup, perfect for family, maybe even for company. It didn’t need any additions; not even the carrots, but they were good, especially if you like something chunky in your smooth, thick, well-seasoned base.
Hopefully, this list will save you a little time at the grocery store and in the kitchen, buying more time for what we all love: to savor the flavor of family.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:/checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com

Instant Soup Ratings: For Rainy Days, Part 2

Crock pots are my friends.
They fill up my house with the warm aroma of good smells of food that is significantly, nay, magically, not burnt.
Not all of the following soups are designed for crock pots, but being fearless about ruined suppers, I tried them in the crock pot anyway.
One spoon means I wasted my money, but the raccoons were happy, since I tend to dump my mistakes in the woods behind the house. 10 spoons means I could pass the soup off to friends as homemade. That is, unless they get suspicious because supper isn’t burnt.
-3 spoons. Wyler’s Mrs. Grass Hearty Mix Homestyle Beef Stew. This package actually had crock pot directions; but, it’s only fair to mention that I started it in the morning and returned to it 10 hours later, instead of 3 or 4 hours as instructed. Even with the meat I added, this could have been canned soup.
-5 spoons. Cugino’s Baked Burgandy French Onion Soup. Just what you would expect, but not spectacular. The directions also say to top their soup with your croutons and cheese. Of course, everybody knows that the best thing about onion soup is the bread and cheese on top.
-7 spoons. Williams Country Style Soup Mix Louisiana Style Gumbo. Okay, I’m a connoisseur of gumbo and this is good. There is rice in the bag, and while it was pretty thick by dinner, the rice was still recognizable. I topped mine with Tabasco, of course, and it would have been even better with a handful of shrimp thrown in. After I panned another Williams Soup, I wanted to give the brand another chance and I’m glad I did.
-9 spoons. Bean Cuisine Thick as Fog Split Pea Soup. The adults loved this one, but my son switched to pasta. I added turkey sausage. It was great, and would have been even better with a spoonful of sour cream or yogurt on top.
-10 spoons. Turtle Island Just for Joy Southwestern Roasted Corn Chowder. I added a can of corm and 8 oz. of cooked, diced chicken breast. We loved it, even my son.
The good news about the instant soups on this list is that, while my son opted for mac and cheese sometimes, my husband and I were able to enjoy all of them, thus encouraging moderation among the raccoons of our neighborhood which tend to be too fat and sassy anyway.
Just for good measure I included my favorite homemade soup recipe on my blog. While it is not as easy as dinner from an envelope, Veloute Soup is simple, low-fat, delicious, and the creation of a talented fellow East Texan.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:/checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Mirror, Mirror, Leaning Against the Wall

I accidentally discovered the easiest solution ever for my weight problem.
If only I could market it, I’d be rich.
It happened when it dawned on me that, once my daughter moved back home to work, I would not be able to use her room as my office/personal huge closet. As I was removing all my collection of stuff, I realized that the longest mirror in the house was fixing to be off limits to me sometimes.
So I did what all sensible mothers would do under the circumstances.
I moved the mirror to my room and leaned it against the wall.
And, like Galilee and Thomas Edison and countless inventors before me, I had my own eureka moment when I accidentally looked in the mirror.
Things may appear skinnier than they are.
Apparently, when you look at a person at a certain angle, mostly as if you are looking up, they look really trim and tall. It was a new experience for me. Not unlike the trick mirrors at the county fair each year.
We possess another mirror that I have always claimed had similar secret powers. Now I suspect that this other mirror, too, has some kind of design flaw.
You might be a candidate for my leaning mirror trick...
- if you tell your girlfriends that girdles, not diamonds, are a girl’s best friend. And, yes, like me, you are getting old if you call them girdles, not bodyshapers or spanx.
-if you have strong opinion about the florescent lighting in retail dressing rooms ending with the phrase “I don’t see why we can’t have candle-light!”
-if you grab a pen and paper when your friend tells you her favorite recipe for her juicer.
-if you count the calories in chocolate as medicinal. Okay, maybe that has nothing to do with weight; that may be a female thing.
-you are pretty sure that a good belly laugh burns calories.
-you write columns about mirrors and you actually think someone else might care.
I call my new leaning mirror trick, “The Skinny Angle Principle.” I want credit for discovering it. I’m claiming that it is even more practical than, say, the law of gravity or Newton’s Law.
There are obviously some other easy ways to put the Skinny Angle Principle to work for us.
We can simply make it a habit to stand on stairs. We can bring stools with us to every social function. We can exclusively hang out with six-year-olds and similarly short people.
As a short person myself, I am also working on a corresponding theory: Tall people may not be as skinny as they appear. I find that comforting somehow.
The other good thing about this new discovery is that it gives me the perfect excuse not to bother with actually installing the mirror. It’s not like hanging a mirror will burn that many calories anyway, right?
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmasil.com.

Goals for 21 Year-Olds

“Do you think good kids are hereditary?” asked my friend as we walked along in my neighborhood. She was experiencing a rough patch with one of her kids and she was wondering why my children seemed so easy.
I laughed.
“I can’t wait to tell my parents you asked me that question!”
I was not only naughty as a youngster, but oh-so creative with my mischief. So, I don’t know, maybe that gave me an edge when it came to being hard to trick as a parent.
The more people get to know me, the more surprised they are that our kiddoes have turned out so well. How is it that an incredibly dysfunctional mom like me has such well-rounded, mature, respectful children?
Good question.
Anyway, I think setting goals helped focus my parenting.
Before your kids have finished high school and are attending college or working in their first real job, they should be able to:
-Successfully initiate relationships with and interact with people of all backgrounds and ages.
-Discern unhealthy friendships or motives in others and in themselves.
-Ask thoughtful, probing questions in order to respectfully understand other people’s perspective.
-Have a “Savings Account” of stored knowledge to draw on when handling Life’s big issues.
-Have a personal faith that continues to ask questions and sort information.
-Intentionally turn to wise people for advice.
-Speak and write clearly.
-Make clear, modern analogies in order to communicate about deeply held beliefs.
-Set personal goals based on the ambitions they have chosen for their life.
-Prioritize according to their life ambitions and current goals.
-Relax and enjoy the process of living, based on their priorities.
-Be grateful for life’s blessings and be able to express thankfulness.
-Recognize true authority and respect those who have it.
-Practice servant leadership, exercising authority by inspiring others.
-Recognize that they have intrinsic value and that they are loved unconditionally.
I saved the best for last. If you have time to do only one thing on this list before your child leaves home, make your focus unconditional love, even if that means tough love.
I make goals for myself, not just my kids.
It’s a good thing, too, because by age 21 kids have reached a point where the only goals that count are the ones they make for themselves.
Now, one of the goals on my personal list is to butt-out and let the grown kids live the lives they choose.
By the way, when I mentioned the question of hereditarily good kids to my parents, they just laughed.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Goals for 14 Year-Olds

The setting was a familiar one around East Texas, where on any given Sunday, folks gather together to be encouraged and challenged from the pulpit.
This Sunday was special because the youth pastor had the pulpit to speak to the youth. The rest of us old folks were just there to listen in. Sort of like eaves-droppin’ with an occasional “Amen, brother!” thrown in for good measure.
“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail,” quoted the youth pastor, looking out over a congregation that included his own two sons near the front where the youth group sat together.
Goal-setting is something we seldom think about when we are young. Unfortunately, even as parents we tend to forget, too. We set goals for work, for our personal finances, even for our family vacations, without ever thinking to set goals for the most important task we face.
With that in mind, here’s a list of goals for 14 year-olds that seem worthy of a parent’s attention. If it seems like a long list, it’s because 14 year-olds are old enough to be adult-like in many, if not all, of their decisions. Ideally, they should be able to:
-Communicate in a way that expresses love.
-Navigate relationships in a responsible and mature way.
-Prepare a simple meal and serve it to the family
-Meet the needs of small children for several hours without help.
-Correct and encourage small children.
-Be aware of their responsibility to be a role model.
-Be faithful to a future spouse whom they don’t know yet.
-Be careful and undistracting about fashion choices.
-Enjoy a reputation for being mature, kind, and responsible.
-Earn and save money.
-Forego instant gratification; not self-indulgent, but self-sacrificing.
-Recognize their own heart’s motivations.
-Recognize the advantage of correction; be willing to hear and act on it.
Okay, that’s a tall order, isn’t it?
It is a list for mature adults.
On the other hand, I was visiting the church that Sunday because I had been invited by one of their youth. An amazing young lady with a tender heart, and a backbone too, she has been a leader at my sons’ school in all the ways that make other parents smile. She and her parents are a constant source of encouragement to our family because they take the tough path, not the easy one when it comes to parenting.
To me, she is a perfect example of what her youth pastor spoke on that day; studying hard, looking toward the future with hope and confidence, and pointing others to Jesus.
Simple goals to talk about, but mighty powerful when it’s lived out in the life a young person.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.co

Goals for 6 Year-Olds

One of her goals for her children was to be able to write a clear, informative letter by the time they were teenagers.
“Goals?” I thought as my friend continued to share ideas with me.
As usual when faced with new information, I got out my pen and paper. Before the week was over I had my first list of parenting goals for my kiddoes.
Having measurable goals for my parenting, made it a lot easier for me to focus on what was really important and let the rest go.
Looking back, here’s the list of things I still think are worthy goals for parents of young children to focus on.
-To be able to play with other children without hurting or scaring anyone. Okay, I added the last part when we realized that raising a boy was going to be a different kind of challenge than raising girls.
-To use their imagination to empathize. At six, they are a little young still, but it is not too soon to begin to emphasize listening with empathy; hearing, respecting, and trying to undersdtand another person’s perspective. Kids always have imagination to spare; they’ll be more successful as adults if they learn this very important use of their imagination early in life.
-To straighten their room and make up their bed without supervision. Now I’ve lost ya, if you have small children, right? And if, like me, you still have a Junior High kid at home, the task seems endless. But, this is not about perfection as much as the attitude that “Trying counts.”
-To have a grateful heart about provision. By six, a child can start to view the blessings of food, clothing, home, and education as privileges, rather than entitlements.
-To be thankful for teachers. I view my kids’ education as my responsibility, so I am always grateful for help. This translates well into my kids’ hearts, especially when anyone other than mom helps them with math.
-To be a part of the family team. I really hate making them do chores; it is so much easier to do it myself. But nothing says “You are a part of this team” like depending on them to do their task to help everyone else.
-To be trustworthy with younger siblings or cousins. By six, they ought to know that it is necessary to be careful with little ones. If they are slow about developing in this important area, by six, it is time to double check with your pediatrician about other, more complicated, developmental issues.
Some of these goals seem hopelessly unrealistic, I know. On the other hand, when we keep at it, we experience success along the way.
In the case of goals, “Trying counts” turns out to be a good motto for parents as well as kids.
Dianne McGirr, this column is dedicated to you, a real friend to me.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Teenage Mythology, Part 1

I glanced across at the 12 year-old person sitting next to me in the front seat of my mini-van. It was a gray day outside. I was taking my time as we drove home from an appointment with the pediatrician.
Not only were the tar roads slick as we passed pastures and small country churches, but I was alone with my oldest. One-on-one time with this special, God-designed creature was a thing to treasure.
“Mom, you won’t believe what the doctor said to me!” she exclaimed.
“She told me ahead of time what she was going to say, Hon. What did you think about it?”
“She just gave me permission to be bratty for the next, what? Eight years?” She looked at me to gauge my reaction. Her eyes were wide open.
I just grinned. I had nothing to worry about from Anna.
As parents, we all have times that we look back and wish we had paid more attention. On the other hand, occasionally we experience one of those rare moments which we recognize as significant even as it occurs. I was enjoying the moment.
“So, what did you think?”
And with that question I opened the door to a discussion I will never forget.
My 12-year old began to list for me things grown-ups believe about teenagers that are simply not true. Here’s the first half of her list:
-There is a category of people who are teenagers.
-People have permission to be bratty because they are teenagers.
-Even the most affectionate child will not be affectionate as a teenager.
-All teenagers are embarrassed by their parents.
-All teenagers reject their parents and rebel.
-If you are too strict with your teenagers, they will go wild in high school or college.
-Kids have a will of their own. Kids make bad choices because of free-will.
As we drove along she wrote these ideas and a bunch more on the back of an old envelope, the only scrap of paper I could find.
I wanted to review the doctor’s perspective with her.
“You have to remember, darlin’, pediatricians see young girls in their offices who are 12 and 13 and pregnant. These are young women who don’t even realize they are grown-ups, who find themselves pregnant. It’s hard for us to even imagine what kind of an adult would take advantage of a young girl that way.”
It was quiet in the car as she digested this information momentarily. I reflected on the how scary the world can be when you are the parent of the most precious three children on the face of the entire earth.
A few years later, when I asked if she would make a corresponding list of truths to replace the myths, she said no.
“People need to answer their own questions, Mom.”
Hmmm…pretty sage advice from a teenager.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Teenage Mythology, Part 2

I have to confess that I don’t even believe in teenagers.
Personally, I think the concept is a figment of the imagination, a purely American invention.
My perspective is simple really.
Take, for example, the way folks are made. You have people who are too young to reproduce, i.e. children. And you have people who have reached the age of reproduction, i.e. adults. So straightforward.
Of course, I have friends who think my theory is crazy; that teenagers do, in fact, exist.
One such friend is a physician who has explained to me on more than one occasion the complicated physiological experiences unique to those years, especially at puberty.
Okay, but I remain unconvinced.
So what if puberty is the first stage of adulthood and it is a transition? Don’t we all know children who are mature and adults who are immature?
To me, calling one set of the adult population teenagers, just perpetuates the myth that they are excused to be immature until they are twenty.
Is that really what we want?
The following is the other half of a list my daughter began brainstorming as she entered the teenage years herself. We’ve added to the list along the way as a family. The rest of this list is posted on my blog as Teenage Mythology, Part 1.
Here are a few more of the myths about teenagers folks tend to believe are true in American culture.
-Teenagers are subject to hormones.
-Teenagers need to spend time with their peers to develop social skills.
-Dating is necessary to find a spouse.
-If you make kissing a “no-no,” they’ll do it more; the implication being that your child will then progress to more serious sexual activities.
-Homeschoolers are more mature than other teenagers. Or, the corresponding myth, homeschoolers are socially backward.
-It is good for teenagers to be in the youth group at church.
-Those clothes, haircut, tattoo, piercing, are a little on the edge, but you have to pick your battles.
-If you keep teenagers busy enough, they won’t have time for trouble. Or, if they are in enough sports, they will be too tired for trouble.
Sometimes, when I share this list with grown-ups, they have a hard time believing that the myths are not true. All, I can say is that the best lies always have a little truth mixed in.
So, if you find yourself puzzled by something on this list, and you are one of those people who can’t stand an unsolved riddle, feel free to contact me. I never cared much for riddles.
On the other hand, for those of us faced with the responsibility of parenting teenage people, it is worth puzzling it out.
To me, the concept of teenagers is an idea that has done enough damage.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Facebook Loser

I managed to be on Facebook for several months without acquiring a single friend.
For those who don’t have young people in their homes still, Facebook is a “place” on the internet where tech-savvy folks go to communicate with each other. When you get on Facebook, a computer screen pops up that has your picture on it and pictures of your friends and a place for one-liners that people send to each other.
Kinda weird, huh? I’m having trouble adjusting.
Parents can also waste hours of time looking at pictures of their kids and all their kids’ friends. Not that I’ve ever done that in the middle of the night or anything.
I have Facebook because my daughter set it up for me.
My Facebook page has my picture on it because my kids also know how to use digital cameras. I can take pictures, but so far I can’t seem to get them off the camera. I am planning to learn how to transfer pictures off of my camera eventually. Someday.
Probably the same day I learn to use Facebook.
Anyway, I made the mistake of mentioning that I didn’t have any friends. On Facebook, you understand.
“I look like a Facebook loser,” I complained to my daughter.
Later that same day, when I opened my email, I had over 75 messages.
I realize this is nothing compared to some people who have hundreds of messages to sort through everyday, but I lead a quiet life. I get excited if I have an email that is not from a person related to me by birth or marriage.
Seventy-five emails! Imagine my surprise.
It turns out that to be a friend on Facebook involves emailing the person for permission.
It took me two days to figure out which of my children sent out the message that I was desperate for friends.
Of course, the children thought this was highly amusing.
Almost as funny as my son deciding it would be hilarious to text both his sisters and all their friends from my phone. Something I would never do myself.
I’m sorry. I like human voices. Plus, texting involves spelling in odd, abbreviated ways.
I have a grand total of 17 unopened texts still. If you sent one, feel free to call.
I found out that my son was texting when he suddenly became a fount of information about all his sisters’ friends. Apparently, he was letting them in on the joke because they were all so surprised to see my phone number associated with a text.
I have to admit, I think it is funny, too, at some bizarre, ironic level. It is so much like something I would do myself. If I only knew how to work all these new-fangled modern gadgets.
Just for the record, I have 22 friends on Facebook now. I guess I accidentally deleted the others.
Cathy Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Heroes I Know: Max

“You can’t out-give God and you can’t out-give Max.”
That’s the way we say it at our house.
Max is our next door neighbor and we know a lot about him. It’s hard to hide anything when you share driveways.
His generosity is a fact of daily life for our family; particularly for my son.
My son was blessed with a treasure-load of grandfathers. Not only did he inherit two of the best grandfathers in the world, just by being our kid, but, for some reason, he is also blessed with plenty of surrogates.
He must be some kind of grandfather magnet.
Maybe old guys see my son and remember what it was like to be a boy; young, invincible, and full of dreams and imagination. Or maybe they see me and recognize a woman who has her hands full with this kid. Either way, I’m thankful.
William has been following around behind Max since he was big enough to toddle.
Together, they’ve battled snakes with shovels, made wooden creations in Max’s shop, built campfires, and trained our dog to sit for treats.
Over the years, Max has included my son on adventures when his own grandsons visit, turning hikes into expeditions and a dip in the lake into celebrations of boyhood.
All the while demonstrating a vast generosity of spirit that is synonymous with his faith.
Oh yeah, and he prays. A lot.
How do I know? I ask him to and I can tell by the way he follows up.
I would have been willing to spend a lot more to get this house, if I had known that prayer came as part of the package
Right now, Max is battling cancer again.
It must be exhausting work. I can tell by the way it takes all his energy just to get the newspaper.
He still has energy to check on us. To love my son. To love his kids and grandkids. And his wife of more than sixty years.
So, I’m praying for Max, not that I’ll ever be able to catch up with all the gifts of prayer he has given me over the years.
I know people who pray for parking spaces. Okay, maybe I’ve done it myself once in awhile. Not any more though.
To me, miracles are about life, not parking spaces. I am discovering as I age that life happens deep within. The body is essential to our survival on this planet, but there is more.
Somewhere beyond our body, and, at the same time, somewhere deep inside ourselves, we know that life is happening regardless of our physical condition.
When our bodies are done, life will still happen.
Sounds cosmic, and yet, we know. Somehow, we know.
Maybe it’s because Max’s spirit is bigger than his body. More real somehow.