Pigeon Prose

Being a columnist is a lot like being an elementary school teacher in this; as much as you try to do your best with each one, sometimes you can’t help but choose your favorites.

AND other columnists send me their own favorites.

I’ve read some doozies; for instance, one about a beloved fat feline that brought tears to my eyes or the one about teenagers that reminded me that all parents are in the same boat…um…car.

Don Comedy, retired newspaperman and a wonderfully witty wordsmith, sent me this gem and I asked him if I could share.

After a vacation from writing, following the sale of the Haskell, Texas Free Press where Don served as Editor and Publisher for 24 years, he’s back at the keyboard.

So here’s the Checklist Charlie pick for particularly pleasing playful pigeon prose. Don writes:

“I recently learned of a $60,000 grant to control pigeons in Hollywood, CA and that the preferred method of control by PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) was some type of birth control pill. Most of my friends being more of the ‘red-neck’ type however, seem to trend more toward pellet guns.

Now, I’m sure that PETA would much prefer the “pill” over the “pellet”, but in either event, the costs would probably be about the same if you actually paid the pill pushers or the pellet shooters.

One serious potential problem with the “pill” would be in dispensing to pigeons that prefer to perch on Catholic buildings. While PETA prefers the pill, the Pope has previously preached in opposition to the pill. Surely that preference would include the Catholic pigeons that perch on parish parapets.

Now, the Catholics might be ok with the “pellet”, but PETA won’t.

Which causes one to ponder….

If the Pope prefers the “pellet” and PETA prefers the “pill”, how many pigeons could St. Peter pellet, while PETA peddles pills?”

Don’s now in Austin, working as a lobbyist, which is a loss to the newspaper industry.

One of his first jobs while he was still in high school was working as an intern for LBJ. Some of his later adventures in the political arena involve flying all over west Texas in a antiquated two-seater plane with one of his childhood buddies to help his friend get elected to his first regional office. That guy’s now the governor.

Their friendship continues and Comedy still sings praises for Perry’s public service.

Personally, the pigeons and I would like it if Don would take a few months off and write a book. He seems to understand that we have issues.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.