Today’s column is for gals only. Just in case you haven’t already figured out how guys think.
Essentially, God created Eve by cloning Adam who contributed his DNA from a rib bone while under general anesthesia.
Supernatural, but not too complicated when you think about it.
If only He had stopped there.
For some delightful and usually entertaining reason, God decided to go one step further and change a chromosome.
One little Y to X. One small step backwards in the alphabet.
Thus, we are doomed to spend our whole life trying to figure out the opposite sex.
When he woke up and saw the outcome of God’s imaginative creation, Adam’s immediate response was the equivalent of “Yee-hah!!!” If Adam had been from Texas, you understand.
Probably because Adam thought he was still dreaming.
Later on his life got a little bit more complicated. Face it gals, we tend to have that affect in our guy’s life.
Take, for instance the difference between the fantasies women have and the ones their male counterparts have.
“Sex and body parts,” was what one guy told me when I asked what men fantasize about for Valentines Day. Simple enough.
I verified that he meant still-attached body parts. Then, I changed the subject. Quickly.
One gentleman told me his fantasies were “not appropriate for publication.” His wife was standing next to him, grinning. I’m guessing that he’s going to have a Happy Valentines Day.
So, gals, if you need a little help thinking creatively, here’s my almost entirely uncensored research.
-Garters are good.
-Anything that combines sex and golf, not necessarily at the same time and not if you beat him on the golf course.
-Horses, especially stallions. Don’t ask me, I can’t explain it.
-Motorcycles, with or without sex. Guys just like motorcycles.
Apparently, men are not complicated. This came as a shock to me because I have all sorts of trouble figuring them out. But they tell me that they are pretty straight forward.
“Shallow, men are shallow,” says one male friend.
I am starting to believe him, although, for a shallow person, that guy is a credit to his gender.
It turns out that men pretty much fantasize about sex a lot and that has nothing to do with Valentines Day.
Unless they are on the golf course, in which case they fantasize about hole-in-ones.
Hmm….Never mind, I can’t go there.
To all the golfers out there, notice how I try to work your favorite game into every column.
To all those who shared their fantasies and trusted me when I promised not to include their names, thanks.
To all those who are without a sweetheart this year, ahhh, the perfection of simplicity.
To all the gals out there, trying to plan something exciting for Valentines Day, look at it this way. Your job is easy.
On the other hand, he is probably struggling to find the right Valentine for you. Or he will be on Wednesday the 13th at 5:00 in the afternoon.
Make that February the 14th at 5:00pm when he remembers he is having dinner with you for Valentine’s Day.
It is just that he honestly can’t figure you out because you are a gal and he is not.
For Valentines Day, my research indicates we gals should give our guys a break and keep it simple. Just this once.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives in beautiful East Texas with her true love and their offspring. Comments are invited at CaeKrafve2@aol.co or http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Valentines Fantasies for Female
Heads up, guys, Valentine’s Day is next week.
Today’s column is for guys only. If you are female, do NOT read any further.
Unless, of course, you want to clip it and stick it under his nose for some not-so- subtle hinting.
“This is how the day would start,” began one lady in a conspiratorial undertone when I approached a table of women about their fantasies.
Already her friends were laughing.
“A whole day; she has a whole day planned!” She is single, but her friends are married women which probably explains a lot. She ignored their teasing and continued with a dreamy look on her face.
“Flowers would arrive in the morning. Then, he would call and tell me to show up at a certain time at a hotel. When I arrive, there would be candles, soft music, and a bath drawn,” she continued.
At this point her friends were hysterically joking about hand cuffs.
“Bubbles. Us in the bathtub together. He would wash my hair because I think that’s really sexy.”
We put our heads in closer over the table as she whispered the rest because we were starting to draw stares from around the restaurant.
“Chocolate-covered strawberries.”
“What about jewelry,” asks one of her practical married friends.
“Oh yeah, jewelry would be good.”
She called the next part of her fantasy “Wild Thing.” It involved cowboy boots, ropes, and spurs.
I was afraid to ask who would wear the spurs.
There are themes in female fantasies that usually include seemingly opposite components; spontaneity AND forethought. In fact, forethought and foreplay might be synonyms, guys. If that seems contradictory, it is because we are women and, well, we don’t think like men. Sorry.
Here are some other thoughts that might make female fantasies more clear. No, on second thought, probably not, but maybe it will inspire you guys.
-Wow! Finish our kitchen!
-Just the fact that he remembered is romantic.
-Bring it home, no eating out, with flowers, candy, and a gleam in his eye.
-Picnics with friends.
-Poetry or letters telling her how much you value her.
-Time together.
-A surprise romantic get away to a bed and breakfast.
-A new wedding ring; a huge one.
-Dinner that he prepares.
-Time without the children.
-Shoes are a great gift because they are easy to fit and girls always like them.
-Jewelry, jewelry, and more jewelry.
So, here’s the big hint guys: Give some thought to an attentive surprise for your sweetheart and your fantasies will probably come true too.
I am thinking the cowboy boots might come in handy.
Next week’s column is about what guys want for Valentines Day and it’s a doozy. Stay tuned.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives in beautiful East Texas with her sweetheart and their kiddoes. Comments are invited at CaeKrafve2@aol.com or http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.
Today’s column is for guys only. If you are female, do NOT read any further.
Unless, of course, you want to clip it and stick it under his nose for some not-so- subtle hinting.
“This is how the day would start,” began one lady in a conspiratorial undertone when I approached a table of women about their fantasies.
Already her friends were laughing.
“A whole day; she has a whole day planned!” She is single, but her friends are married women which probably explains a lot. She ignored their teasing and continued with a dreamy look on her face.
“Flowers would arrive in the morning. Then, he would call and tell me to show up at a certain time at a hotel. When I arrive, there would be candles, soft music, and a bath drawn,” she continued.
At this point her friends were hysterically joking about hand cuffs.
“Bubbles. Us in the bathtub together. He would wash my hair because I think that’s really sexy.”
We put our heads in closer over the table as she whispered the rest because we were starting to draw stares from around the restaurant.
“Chocolate-covered strawberries.”
“What about jewelry,” asks one of her practical married friends.
“Oh yeah, jewelry would be good.”
She called the next part of her fantasy “Wild Thing.” It involved cowboy boots, ropes, and spurs.
I was afraid to ask who would wear the spurs.
There are themes in female fantasies that usually include seemingly opposite components; spontaneity AND forethought. In fact, forethought and foreplay might be synonyms, guys. If that seems contradictory, it is because we are women and, well, we don’t think like men. Sorry.
Here are some other thoughts that might make female fantasies more clear. No, on second thought, probably not, but maybe it will inspire you guys.
-Wow! Finish our kitchen!
-Just the fact that he remembered is romantic.
-Bring it home, no eating out, with flowers, candy, and a gleam in his eye.
-Picnics with friends.
-Poetry or letters telling her how much you value her.
-Time together.
-A surprise romantic get away to a bed and breakfast.
-A new wedding ring; a huge one.
-Dinner that he prepares.
-Time without the children.
-Shoes are a great gift because they are easy to fit and girls always like them.
-Jewelry, jewelry, and more jewelry.
So, here’s the big hint guys: Give some thought to an attentive surprise for your sweetheart and your fantasies will probably come true too.
I am thinking the cowboy boots might come in handy.
Next week’s column is about what guys want for Valentines Day and it’s a doozy. Stay tuned.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives in beautiful East Texas with her sweetheart and their kiddoes. Comments are invited at CaeKrafve2@aol.com or http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.
Father's Day: The Muddy Holiday
I asked around to get the scoop on Father’s Day.
“Father’s Day? When is it?”
You have to give them credit; they are unbiased forgetters. It is not only Mother’s Day that they forget.
When guys think of good times with their kids, it usually involves water or mud or both, have you noticed?
I don’t know, maybe the little boy in their heart still wants to come out and play. Or maybe God invented fathers so the kids could get away with tracking mud through the kitchen at least one day a year. Don’t ask me.
I can assure you, mud and water are not synonymous with yard work. Although, mowing the grass and watering the lawn would seem to qualify from a female point of view.
Gals are already making plans for Father’s Day, so here are some ideas that your guy might like, as best as I can figure.
-Hire someone else to do the lawn for Father’s Day. If you hire a neighborhood teenager, be sure and mention that the money could be used to do something nice for his dad. His mother will thank you and us moms need to stick together.
-Take him bowling. Or set up empty 2 liter bottles on the back porch and bowl ‘em down with a Nerf ball.
-Take dad to a water park. This will preserve the pristine floor in your kitchen.
-Drag out the Slip and Slide. Forget about the kitchen floor.
-Challenge another family to a whiffle ball tournament, followed by a picnic.
-Schedule a surprise tee time.
-Take him to play putt-putt. Or better yet, give the kids 18 tin cans and set them to work building a putt-putt course in your back yard. Dad can supervise so he doesn’t mow over stray tin cans later. That is, if the lawn-mowing teenager doesn’t work out.
-Set up a BB gun firing range in the back yard.
-Put a target on an old box and shoot arrows.
-Have water balloon wars.
-Pamper him with a kid-delivered foot rub or a whole collection of coupons for his kids to do his chores.
“Children that can’t wait to hear my next word of godly instruction,” answered one dad with a chuckle, when we asked him what he wanted for Father’s Day.
Now that I think of it, why not do everything on the list?
Celebrate all week end. Those men in our life that fill the role of dad deserve credit.
Or, if you are overwhelmed at the thought of so much mud coming through the house, you could just buy him a boat, a convertible, or a motorcycle.
Just kidding. Sort of.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and plays in beautiful East Texas. Comments are invited at CaeKrafve2@aol.com or http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.
“Father’s Day? When is it?”
You have to give them credit; they are unbiased forgetters. It is not only Mother’s Day that they forget.
When guys think of good times with their kids, it usually involves water or mud or both, have you noticed?
I don’t know, maybe the little boy in their heart still wants to come out and play. Or maybe God invented fathers so the kids could get away with tracking mud through the kitchen at least one day a year. Don’t ask me.
I can assure you, mud and water are not synonymous with yard work. Although, mowing the grass and watering the lawn would seem to qualify from a female point of view.
Gals are already making plans for Father’s Day, so here are some ideas that your guy might like, as best as I can figure.
-Hire someone else to do the lawn for Father’s Day. If you hire a neighborhood teenager, be sure and mention that the money could be used to do something nice for his dad. His mother will thank you and us moms need to stick together.
-Take him bowling. Or set up empty 2 liter bottles on the back porch and bowl ‘em down with a Nerf ball.
-Take dad to a water park. This will preserve the pristine floor in your kitchen.
-Drag out the Slip and Slide. Forget about the kitchen floor.
-Challenge another family to a whiffle ball tournament, followed by a picnic.
-Schedule a surprise tee time.
-Take him to play putt-putt. Or better yet, give the kids 18 tin cans and set them to work building a putt-putt course in your back yard. Dad can supervise so he doesn’t mow over stray tin cans later. That is, if the lawn-mowing teenager doesn’t work out.
-Set up a BB gun firing range in the back yard.
-Put a target on an old box and shoot arrows.
-Have water balloon wars.
-Pamper him with a kid-delivered foot rub or a whole collection of coupons for his kids to do his chores.
“Children that can’t wait to hear my next word of godly instruction,” answered one dad with a chuckle, when we asked him what he wanted for Father’s Day.
Now that I think of it, why not do everything on the list?
Celebrate all week end. Those men in our life that fill the role of dad deserve credit.
Or, if you are overwhelmed at the thought of so much mud coming through the house, you could just buy him a boat, a convertible, or a motorcycle.
Just kidding. Sort of.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and plays in beautiful East Texas. Comments are invited at CaeKrafve2@aol.com or http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.
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