Facebook Loser

I managed to be on Facebook for several months without acquiring a single friend.
For those who don’t have young people in their homes still, Facebook is a “place” on the internet where tech-savvy folks go to communicate with each other. When you get on Facebook, a computer screen pops up that has your picture on it and pictures of your friends and a place for one-liners that people send to each other.
Kinda weird, huh? I’m having trouble adjusting.
Parents can also waste hours of time looking at pictures of their kids and all their kids’ friends. Not that I’ve ever done that in the middle of the night or anything.
I have Facebook because my daughter set it up for me.
My Facebook page has my picture on it because my kids also know how to use digital cameras. I can take pictures, but so far I can’t seem to get them off the camera. I am planning to learn how to transfer pictures off of my camera eventually. Someday.
Probably the same day I learn to use Facebook.
Anyway, I made the mistake of mentioning that I didn’t have any friends. On Facebook, you understand.
“I look like a Facebook loser,” I complained to my daughter.
Later that same day, when I opened my email, I had over 75 messages.
I realize this is nothing compared to some people who have hundreds of messages to sort through everyday, but I lead a quiet life. I get excited if I have an email that is not from a person related to me by birth or marriage.
Seventy-five emails! Imagine my surprise.
It turns out that to be a friend on Facebook involves emailing the person for permission.
It took me two days to figure out which of my children sent out the message that I was desperate for friends.
Of course, the children thought this was highly amusing.
Almost as funny as my son deciding it would be hilarious to text both his sisters and all their friends from my phone. Something I would never do myself.
I’m sorry. I like human voices. Plus, texting involves spelling in odd, abbreviated ways.
I have a grand total of 17 unopened texts still. If you sent one, feel free to call.
I found out that my son was texting when he suddenly became a fount of information about all his sisters’ friends. Apparently, he was letting them in on the joke because they were all so surprised to see my phone number associated with a text.
I have to admit, I think it is funny, too, at some bizarre, ironic level. It is so much like something I would do myself. If I only knew how to work all these new-fangled modern gadgets.
Just for the record, I have 22 friends on Facebook now. I guess I accidentally deleted the others.
Cathy Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Karen's Top Ten for the New Year

If you know Karen Fedell, of Whitehouse, Texas, then you know that the joy she carries around in her heart spills over into the lives of everyone she meets. She wrote this list and I am passing it along, hoping it blesses you as much as it blessed me.

Karen’s Top Ten Things to Make You Smile in the New Year
A really cold morning when the sky is so blue it makes your eyes squint. The trees are all sprinkled with frost and the sun is making everything sparkle. It looks like angel land.
Spotting a baby calf running and playing in the pasture. I unofficially adopted one last year. He was in the pasture everyday. I watched him for several months. Every time I drove by it made me smile.
That special day when you realize all the trees have budded. It’s like nature is throwing a party.
Being up before dawn and witnessing the sun bursting over the horizon. It always rises and is never late. What a miracle!
Watching a thunderstorm with all of its power and fury. The fabulous light show put on by the lightening accompanied by the sound track of the thunder. Wow!
Being still enough to actually enjoy the sun setting. Watching all the colors change and melt into each other. I don’t think there is anything more beautiful.
Watching the stars and knowing the One who made them.
I hope you have the joy of a little child in your life. Being able to watch them just having fun, not fearing what people think or afraid they will look silly. And learning from them.
Having a good belly laugh. One that makes your sides hurt….Those are the best kind, especially when shared with a friend.
And my top 10 wish for you is that even though so many things are out of your control that you will have peace knowing God, who created this wonderful universe and all that is in it, is in control, and that He will never leave or forsake His children.

My thanks to Karen for letting me share her list and perspective with everyone.
How thankful I am for friends, like Karen, who share joy in the small everyday blessings of life and remind me to do the same.
May your holiday season and the coming year be blessed as you love those around you passionately, sacrificially, and joyfully.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

The Gift of Silence

Sunlight poured through the windows of the third floor room in the monastery where twenty novice artists bent over icons, working carefully to apply the paint-like substance made by a master iconographer from red clay, water, and egg yolk. Filling the air were the ancient chants harmonized for centuries by monks in monasteries throughout Europe and the near East.
Silently, prayerfully meditating on God’s own nature, the artists carefully prepared the surface for gold leaf to enliven the halo, designating the central figure as a heavenly-inspired personage.
Purposefully, the artists endeavored to make all of the icons identical so that the message would be preserved accurately.
In fact, the artists left each finished icon unsigned simply because a signature might be a distraction from the symbolism intended to draw the viewers’ attention to, in this case, the mighty warrior-angel who expelled Satan from heaven, Archangel Michael.
The artists worked on hand-crafted wooden boards which were prepared with twenty coats of plaster, sanded smooth between each coat by the nuns of a similar sisterhood.
For hours on end, icon students learned the centuries-old technique as an instrument of devotion; as in the Middle Ages when monks devoted their lives to keeping the gospel message alive by spreading the message via icons and illuminated texts to civilizations that were most often illiterate.
Today, students can gather in a scattering of places around the US for instruction by masters who have been trained by one lone man who brought the process to the US and developed a school in New York after leaving the USSR when that government was committed to destroying all Russian icons. At that time, those who understood the ancient technique, because of their association with the Greek Orthodox Church, were often persecuted.
Now, once a year, the Jesuit Spirituality Center in Grand Coteau, Louisiana, hosts an iconography workshop. For one week, students gather from all over the US to be trained in the ancient art.
The Center is a peaceful place because the Jesuit priests who live there adhere to the principles of St. Ignatius’s spiritual exercises that are best experienced with quantities of silent contemplation.
Jesuit priests prayerfully provide quiet hospitality throughout the year to folks who come for silent retreats. Bells interrupt the silence at regular intervals, announcing meals and daily Mass.
It is impossible to describe my feelings as I began to inscribe the pure white board with the black lines of the icon’s pattern, symbolizing sin’s pattern on the beauty and purity of God’s creation. Amid the silence, each stroke of my brush reminded me again of how grateful I am to belong to Him.
Meditation is a lost art in our culture.
There is something purifying and healing about silence. Awe-inspiring.
This holiday, amid the clatter of the season and as the New Year begins, why not take a few hours to give your soul the gift of silence?
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

The Gift of Inner Discipline

There is an inner person living in my home-space who is constantly battling for attention. This naughty creature frequently demands more attention than she should.
“Grow up!” I command myself silently. Like a parent who is caught off guard by a child with a belligerent attitude, I firmly expect maturity in the recesses of my own heart. I still get caught by surprise by my own bad attitudes.
I get exasperated with the ongoing training regime that is required to quiet such a self-willed, noisy child.
So, here are some thoughts that seem to bring progress, but obviously not perfection.
-The Discipline of Starting Over. We all want immediate success, but success is often defined by how many times we were willing to start over. Unfortunately, because the inner person is responsible for important things like how we interact in relationships, the words most often associated with starting over are phrases like: I’m sorry, I was wrong, and will you forgive me. Ick!
-The Discipline of Understanding Motives. It takes immeasurable integrity and patience to sort out what is motivating our inner person. Our words give us a clue. “Out of the heart, the mouth speaks,” but who has the insight and courage to tell the truth even to oneself about our real motives?
-The Discipline of Perspective. It simply takes more imagination than we have sometimes to understand the perspective of the other person. But in our relationships, the other perspective is the one that will give us understanding. To get understanding, we must be willing to subdue that inner ego voice who is demanding to be the center of attention and ruler of the world.
-The Discipline of Gentle Words. Here, with gentle words, discipline begins at home. In the quiet recesses of our own hearts, we can begin to develop the habit of gentleness with oneself. Less expectations and more patience with oneself are sure to create a heart that has more wisdom and unselfish love to give to others.
-The Discipline of an Un-self-righteous Attitude. If our heart is searching for ways to compare and compete with others, it is time to pay attention. Self-righteousness is simply about finding a way to look good by comparison to others. It is based in insecurity. It is the opposite of throwing yourself on the mercy of God’s loving-kindness. The antidote to self-righteousness is self-worth.
Self-worth comes from knowing God’s complete delight in His design of you, especially your inner person.
Actually, when it comes to discipline, I think I’d rather diet and exercise than commit to inner discipline. Not that I’m too successful at those either! Ick!
For this New Year, why not give yourself permission to start over and try again with some disciplines for getting that inner person to shape up?
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com

The Gift of Affirmation

“If only he had told me,” lamented my friend after his dad died.
His father’s friends kept coming up to him at the funeral and telling him how proud his dad was of the fact that he had finished medical school.
Why leave it for someone else to do at your funeral?
Now is the time to say how much you love and value your child. Or your wife. Or your parents.
Why are affirmations, sometimes called verbal blessings, so hard to give? Probably, because most of us feel a little uncomfortable with anything that seems kinda mushy.
“So what are you trying to get?” is the response we sort of expect. Actually, even a person who enjoys the positive attention will respond with humor to diffuse their discomfort.
So what? Who cares? Do it anyway. Just so your family will start to get the hang of it.
What makes a good affirmation?
-Make it personal. If you are not in the habit of affirming the folks in your life, you may need to change the dynamics. Be sure to let your family members know that you are serious. Begin with something like this, “Because you mean so much to me, I have something I want to say to you.” Or, “When you came into my life, I knew God was blessing me.”
-Make it true. Be sure to choose a comment that is true about your loved one. It has to be something you believe. For example, “I have always been thankful for the way you respond so lovingly to your siblings.” Or, “It means a lot to me that you always try again even when you feel discouraged.” Or, “I am so proud of the way you give yourself to others unselfishly.”
-Make it pure. Don’t add one negative thought to the moment. Keep it simple and focused on the blessing of affirmation. Give a gift without strings attached. Do NOT suggest ways they could improve or mention things that used to be worse.
Like, Abraham in the Old Testament, my father-in-law made a deliberate effort to verbally bless all of us who loved him before he died.
In my case, he bestowed on me the title of real daughter, rather than daughter-in- law.
It happened a few days before he died. He happened to mention daughters in the plural. Of course, because he was so sick, we assumed he was confused because he only had one daughter.
However, weak as he was, he made it clear he thought of me as a real daughter, one of his own, saying as much in an emphatic way. His wife and daughter witnessed and confirmed that we all understood him correctly.
I had twenty-five Christmases with my father-in-law and probably more Christmas presents than I can count; all presents I can no longer recall.
The best present he ever gave me was designating me a real daughter.
When you are making out your Christmas list this year, don’t overlook the value of a verbal affirmation.
It will probably be the present they remember long after you’re gone.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

The Gift of Forgiveness

Some folks might argue that there is nothing wrong with a nest of baby rats in the barn. These same people tend to be teenage boys who like to keep pet snakes in aquariums in their bedrooms.
Okay, but for everybody else, a nest of rats represents pesky varmints that sneak in and settle in disturbingly close places.
The barn is one thing. The house is another.
Call the exterminator while I jump on a chair and scream.
Bitterness, like a pesky varmint, tends to sneak in and make a nest in our heart’s home almost before we are aware of it.
Like a teenage boy with an affection for reptiles, we tend to think a little bitterness is okay. As long as it doesn’t get out of hand.
We tend to be tender with our bitterness, keeping it hidden away in our secret spot, feeding it small delectable tidbits of self-indulgent thoughts, without realizing that, like rats, bitterness will quickly grow big and destructive.
Bitterness is simply anger that has gone unaddressed until it becomes a habit.
So, how does bitterness sneak in? There are lots of ways, I guess, but here’s a few.
-We imagine offenses, taking things personally while the other person has no idea of what our heart and mind are doing.
-We forget to enforce boundaries in our relationships and then get miffed when others don’t know to back up and back off.
-We avoid conflict, preferring to be hurt rather than take the risk of being assertive.
-We make mountains out of molehills, without admitting, even to oneself, that we are just being peevish.
And we let it all build up. Sometimes for years.
What exterminates bitterness?
Forgiveness, then confession.
Wait a minute, doesn’t forgiveness usually follow confession? Not in this case.
First, we must forgive the other person, whether he deserves forgiveness or not.
It might be that our silly, selfish heart has imagined the offences of the other person. Or maybe the other person has truly been offensive. Maybe habitually.
Either way, forgive him for your own sake. First.
Then, confess to yourself and to God, if you acknowledge a Higher Power, that you have been guilty of bitterness.
This process allows us to experience our own need for forgiveness. Then, it is a simple matter to seek God’s forgiveness and forgive oneself.
Problem solved, especially if you focus on developing new habits in your relationships.
Okay, maybe not as easy as getting rid of real rats in the barn, right?
But, with so many family gatherings and so much old hurt floating around this time of year, it is a good time to see bitterness for the pesky varmint that it is.
And to give yourself and your loved ones the gift of forgiveness.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Hugs for Every Occasion

We were not a huggy family when I was growing up.
I knew and loved my grandparents well, so I get it.
My grandparents were amazing, depression-surviving, WWII-fighting folks. The home-front mattered to them, but some of them didn’t express it with mushy stuff like hugs. Instead they expressed their kind of love with courage, integrity, and loyalty.
So I don’t know if it was the free-wheeling 60s or just holding their first and subsequent grandbabies in their arms, but somewhere along the way, along with the other good stuff, my mom and dad started dishing out tons of hugs.
Really soft, secure, delicious hugs.
There is a proper hug for every occasion. So, here’s my list:
-For greetings with acquaintances. The proper hug is sideways, not front-ways. It is a good idea to offer a hug, if you are not sure, with the words, “I have a hug for you, if you would like one.” Some folks will respond with, “No thanks.” In that case, it is good that you asked first.
-With family and close friends. If you know a hug is welcome, then give the most enthusiastic hug you can imagine. Do so consistently; you will find that your loved ones will count on you for their favorite kind of joyful, loud-and-loving greeting.
-For grief in public. A tender hug is a gift at a funeral or at the hospital when words are not enough. Holding on for one more brief moment more will sometimes convey a world of compassion to the one who hurts.
-For grief in private. There are times when we need to wrap our arms around loved ones and hold them, like a mother holds a child. This is when we are in private with someone who hurts, either because of loss or sin or some other deep grief. Holding another human while they cry, waiting patiently for them to relax into our love for them requires a certain kind of perspective and a certain kind of hug.
-For snuggly grandchildren and other small people. Slowly picked up the child, then warmly hold and gently rock.
-For busy nieces and nephews. Personally, I’ve noticed that active little kids delight in being picked up, hugged quickly, then, tossed into the air. Of course, it is essential to catch them. If you let them crash, chances are there will be no more hugs for you.
-For aged folks. Widows and widowers need to be hugged because their spouse can no longer fill that need; instead, it is up to the rest of us to honor them in this gentle way.
-For people who are sick or physically fragile. Hugs are most certainly healing, don’t you agree? For that reason, a hug or a gentle touch is especially important when someone is in need of healing.
Be sure and put hugs on your gift list this year.
May you receive lots of good hugs, in all the varieties you need, this season. Hugs are one of those gifts that is just as much fun to give as to receive.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.