Valentine Fantasies for Men

Today’s column is for gals only. Just in case you haven’t already figured out how guys think.
Essentially, God created Eve by cloning Adam who contributed his DNA from a rib bone while under general anesthesia.
Supernatural, but not too complicated when you think about it.
If only He had stopped there.
For some delightful and usually entertaining reason, God decided to go one step further and change a chromosome.
One little Y to X. One small step backwards in the alphabet.
Thus, we are doomed to spend our whole life trying to figure out the opposite sex.
When he woke up and saw the outcome of God’s imaginative creation, Adam’s immediate response was the equivalent of “Yee-hah!!!” If Adam had been from Texas, you understand.
Probably because Adam thought he was still dreaming.
Later on his life got a little bit more complicated. Face it gals, we tend to have that affect in our guy’s life.
Take, for instance the difference between the fantasies women have and the ones their male counterparts have.
“Sex and body parts,” was what one guy told me when I asked what men fantasize about for Valentines Day. Simple enough.
I verified that he meant still-attached body parts. Then, I changed the subject. Quickly.
One gentleman told me his fantasies were “not appropriate for publication.” His wife was standing next to him, grinning. I’m guessing that he’s going to have a Happy Valentines Day.
So, gals, if you need a little help thinking creatively, here’s my almost entirely uncensored research.
-Garters are good.
-Anything that combines sex and golf, not necessarily at the same time and not if you beat him on the golf course.
-Horses, especially stallions. Don’t ask me, I can’t explain it.
-Motorcycles, with or without sex. Guys just like motorcycles.
Apparently, men are not complicated. This came as a shock to me because I have all sorts of trouble figuring them out. But they tell me that they are pretty straight forward.
“Shallow, men are shallow,” says one male friend.
I am starting to believe him, although, for a shallow person, that guy is a credit to his gender.
It turns out that men pretty much fantasize about sex a lot and that has nothing to do with Valentines Day.
Unless they are on the golf course, in which case they fantasize about hole-in-ones.
Hmm….Never mind, I can’t go there.
To all the golfers out there, notice how I try to work your favorite game into every column.
To all those who shared their fantasies and trusted me when I promised not to include their names, thanks.
To all those who are without a sweetheart this year, ahhh, the perfection of simplicity.
To all the gals out there, trying to plan something exciting for Valentines Day, look at it this way. Your job is easy.
On the other hand, he is probably struggling to find the right Valentine for you. Or he will be on Wednesday the 13th at 5:00 in the afternoon.
Make that February the 14th at 5:00pm when he remembers he is having dinner with you for Valentine’s Day.
It is just that he honestly can’t figure you out because you are a gal and he is not.
For Valentines Day, my research indicates we gals should give our guys a break and keep it simple. Just this once.


Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives in beautiful East Texas with her true love and their offspring. Comments are invited at CaeKrafve2@aol.co or http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.