Ur Bst Golf

Golf is the only sport I know of where talented, athletic types brag about how bad their game is. For this reason, bookish, klutzy folks like me are totally endeared to the game; a sport that tends to convert perfectly normal people to instant looniness almost immediately.
I don’t usually do book reviews in this column, but today I’m going to make an exception for Ur Bst Golf, local author Ken Dance’s new book.
Don’t let the easy-to-read, informal tone, or the pocket size fool you. It is packed with helpful tips, humor, and wisdom, making it fun and informative at the same time. And it’s soooo local; here’s a sample:
“Sometimes the mere mention of a certain hole on a certain course can cause our palms to sweat. I know number nine at Hollytree in Tyler, Texas has ruined many a round for many golfers.” He goes on to explain that, instead of thinking yourself into a bad game, “The goal of confidence is to intentionally transform a positive thought into a present reality.”
He includes practical hints for winning the game of acquiring confidence in golf- and in life.
Ken dissects the elements of golf in a way that even newbies to the sport can understand.
In his section subtitled “Precision: a Combination of Distance and Direction,” Ken emphasizes that they are interdependent.
“I once played with a guy who achieved a world record for distance traveled. The first hole on the course was parallel to a very busy street in Dallas. When he hooked his drive, the ball took two bounces on the street and landed inside the raised door of a moving van just as it passed by. I’m not sure where that ball eventually went, but I know it went further than any ball I’ve ever hit. Distance isn’t everything.”
Ur Bst Golf is the perfect stocking stuffer. Or, because it is so local and personal, it is a great gift to send to friends in other places when we brag about how wonderful Texas is. (I can’t be the only person sending obnoxiously Texas stuff to all my friends, right?) Contact Ken at kendance@suddenlink.net or go to Amazon.com or BARNESandNOBLE.com.
Ken wouldn’t want me to write about his book without mentioning that the Chick-Fil-A Bethesda Golf Classic is coming up Oct 2 at Oakhurst. He often plays this tournament with his grandkids; it’s a friendly, relaxed opportunity to include newly addicted golf fans, young or old.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Valentine Fantasies for Men

Today’s column is for gals only. Just in case you haven’t already figured out how guys think.
Essentially, God created Eve by cloning Adam who contributed his DNA from a rib bone while under general anesthesia.
Supernatural, but not too complicated when you think about it.
If only He had stopped there.
For some delightful and usually entertaining reason, God decided to go one step further and change a chromosome.
One little Y to X. One small step backwards in the alphabet.
Thus, we are doomed to spend our whole life trying to figure out the opposite sex.
When he woke up and saw the outcome of God’s imaginative creation, Adam’s immediate response was the equivalent of “Yee-hah!!!” If Adam had been from Texas, you understand.
Probably because Adam thought he was still dreaming.
Later on his life got a little bit more complicated. Face it gals, we tend to have that affect in our guy’s life.
Take, for instance the difference between the fantasies women have and the ones their male counterparts have.
“Sex and body parts,” was what one guy told me when I asked what men fantasize about for Valentines Day. Simple enough.
I verified that he meant still-attached body parts. Then, I changed the subject. Quickly.
One gentleman told me his fantasies were “not appropriate for publication.” His wife was standing next to him, grinning. I’m guessing that he’s going to have a Happy Valentines Day.
So, gals, if you need a little help thinking creatively, here’s my almost entirely uncensored research.
-Garters are good.
-Anything that combines sex and golf, not necessarily at the same time and not if you beat him on the golf course.
-Horses, especially stallions. Don’t ask me, I can’t explain it.
-Motorcycles, with or without sex. Guys just like motorcycles.
Apparently, men are not complicated. This came as a shock to me because I have all sorts of trouble figuring them out. But they tell me that they are pretty straight forward.
“Shallow, men are shallow,” says one male friend.
I am starting to believe him, although, for a shallow person, that guy is a credit to his gender.
It turns out that men pretty much fantasize about sex a lot and that has nothing to do with Valentines Day.
Unless they are on the golf course, in which case they fantasize about hole-in-ones.
Hmm….Never mind, I can’t go there.
To all the golfers out there, notice how I try to work your favorite game into every column.
To all those who shared their fantasies and trusted me when I promised not to include their names, thanks.
To all those who are without a sweetheart this year, ahhh, the perfection of simplicity.
To all the gals out there, trying to plan something exciting for Valentines Day, look at it this way. Your job is easy.
On the other hand, he is probably struggling to find the right Valentine for you. Or he will be on Wednesday the 13th at 5:00 in the afternoon.
Make that February the 14th at 5:00pm when he remembers he is having dinner with you for Valentine’s Day.
It is just that he honestly can’t figure you out because you are a gal and he is not.
For Valentines Day, my research indicates we gals should give our guys a break and keep it simple. Just this once.


Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives in beautiful East Texas with her true love and their offspring. Comments are invited at CaeKrafve2@aol.co or http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Father's Day: The Muddy Holiday

I asked around to get the scoop on Father’s Day.
“Father’s Day? When is it?”
You have to give them credit; they are unbiased forgetters. It is not only Mother’s Day that they forget.
When guys think of good times with their kids, it usually involves water or mud or both, have you noticed?
I don’t know, maybe the little boy in their heart still wants to come out and play. Or maybe God invented fathers so the kids could get away with tracking mud through the kitchen at least one day a year. Don’t ask me.
I can assure you, mud and water are not synonymous with yard work. Although, mowing the grass and watering the lawn would seem to qualify from a female point of view.
Gals are already making plans for Father’s Day, so here are some ideas that your guy might like, as best as I can figure.
-Hire someone else to do the lawn for Father’s Day. If you hire a neighborhood teenager, be sure and mention that the money could be used to do something nice for his dad. His mother will thank you and us moms need to stick together.
-Take him bowling. Or set up empty 2 liter bottles on the back porch and bowl ‘em down with a Nerf ball.
-Take dad to a water park. This will preserve the pristine floor in your kitchen.
-Drag out the Slip and Slide. Forget about the kitchen floor.
-Challenge another family to a whiffle ball tournament, followed by a picnic.
-Schedule a surprise tee time.
-Take him to play putt-putt. Or better yet, give the kids 18 tin cans and set them to work building a putt-putt course in your back yard. Dad can supervise so he doesn’t mow over stray tin cans later. That is, if the lawn-mowing teenager doesn’t work out.
-Set up a BB gun firing range in the back yard.
-Put a target on an old box and shoot arrows.
-Have water balloon wars.
-Pamper him with a kid-delivered foot rub or a whole collection of coupons for his kids to do his chores.
“Children that can’t wait to hear my next word of godly instruction,” answered one dad with a chuckle, when we asked him what he wanted for Father’s Day.
Now that I think of it, why not do everything on the list?
Celebrate all week end. Those men in our life that fill the role of dad deserve credit.
Or, if you are overwhelmed at the thought of so much mud coming through the house, you could just buy him a boat, a convertible, or a motorcycle.
Just kidding. Sort of.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and plays in beautiful East Texas. Comments are invited at CaeKrafve2@aol.com or http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Golf: It's All About the Shoes

“It’s all about the shoes,” declared a friend when I asked about her love of golf.
Really? I thought it was all about the cart.
I shared this info with a guy and he responded, “Really? But golf shoes are so ugly!”
Well, you would think so, but there’s no explaining fashion, especially when it comes to shoes.
For example, who would ever have thought that Sketchers would catch on? Sketchers, in case you don’t check the sale ads in your local paper, are a tennis shoe popular with fashionista-types that would be perfectly at home in a bowling alley.
I actually have a pair of Coach tennis shoes that are similar to bowling shoes. I wear them all the time, not that I myself would ever pay for anything Coach brand.
They were a gift from my husband who had the impartial and knowledgeable help of our daughter while shopping.
The shoes are gold and that explains everything.
You see, I have noted over the years that grandmothers always have gold shoes. And usually a gold pocketbook to match. A pocketbook is what we used to call purses back in the day before they became hand bags. My grandmother would not have carried anything but a pocketbook.
I don’t have grandchildren yet; a circumstance that I take every opportunity to mention in front of my married daughter.
However, my philosophy is that it is never too early to go ahead and get gold shoes just in case you get surprised with grandchildren. It could happen.
Personally, I think any writer that can work golf, shoes, and grandparenting into the same column deserves a Pulitzer. Not that I’m hinting or anything.
Golf is on my mind because a very kind lady blessed me by taking me for a ride in her golf cart today.
She doesn’t actually play golf, she just owns the cart. Very sensible of her, if you ask me.
I had no desire to drive, I just went along for the ride. I find it so much more relaxing to let someone else take the responsibility of not crashing.
She and her mother, that would be the grandmother of her children (notice how I worked that grandmother thing in again), had recently painted her cart in green and tan camo. Really. It was very cool; in a golf cart fashion kind of way.
Okay, I think a camo golf cart is the height of snazzy golfing equipment.
Unless, of course, they make golf shoes in gold.
Now is your chance, golfers, let me know what you like about golf, golf shoes, or golf equipment and I’ll fashion your ideas into a column.
Better yet, invite me to ride around in a golf cart and I’ll show up at your next fundraiser. It will make a great excuse to buy a new pair of shoes!
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives in beautiful East Texas, golf paradise. Comments are welcome at CaeKrafve2@aol.com.