Un-cool Mom for President

I’ve decided to run for president.
I’m a cinch to be elected because my platform is so terrific.
No more hand-held technology for people under age to vote.
Of course, I’ll only be an incumbent as long as the next generation is under-age. I can’t even tell you the name of these so-called games; these new-fangled toys that give the kids carpel tunnel syndrome in their thumbs.
Have you noticed that modern games all have initials? Every time my son begs for them yet again, I have no idea what he is talking about.
There he is, asking me for PSPs, X-Boxes, and blah, blah, blahs, and I think we are discussing his spelling homework.
Whatever happened to games with names that normal, alphabet-challenged people could understand?
I definitely have developed a game aversion. So, how did I end up in charge of games for a recent school party? Good question.
Each and every year, my son volunteers me to be homeroom mom. Each and every year, I un-volunteer myself. I just couldn’t do that to his teachers; I respect them too much.
Some moms are known for their organizational skills; some of us are not. I recently got asked to help with a party, even though I was way down on the list, you understand. The other moms were desperate.
Some of us normally bring chips or cookies to these events, something the other mothers can get along without in case we forget again. In all these years, it never occurred to me to actually notice what the activities were at the parties.
Naturally, I planned games for this particular event.
Marbles, Jacks, and a fast-paced card game called Pounce. Pounce must not be on any electronic devices yet because it turned out the kids had no idea how to play it.
Of course, most moms would know that it is a terrifically un-cool to plan a party at school around such old-fashioned, un-electronic games.
On the other hand, my children are pretty well-adjusted to the fact that their mother is the most un-cool human on the planet. And I am totally proud of it too, I might add.
It turns out that some of the kids in his class are not as versed in coolness as my son. They actually loved Marbles, Jacks, and Pounce.
They liked the games so much that we sent them home with the toys and cards so they could teach their siblings how to play.
Un-cool moms unite! We might be onto something here.
So, here are the games I’m taking to the next party at school.
-Paddle balls
-Chinese Checkers
-Badminton
-Whiffle Ball
Someone told me that elementary schools are no longer allowed to teach soft ball on campus because anger management and baseball bats don’t mix well. Too many bullies.
We had bullies back in the dark ages when I was in school. Kids of our era had survival skills, I guess. We knew which kids to trust with a bat.
So, my fellow Americans, I am calling on all un-cool moms to restore America’s favorite pastime to the next generation: Teach whiffle ball at the next school party. I think hotdogs could replace the cookies and chips, too, by the way.
I also like whoopee cushions. They are funny. In a very elementary school kind of way.
Whoopee cushions have an added benefit; I’m pretty sure if we bring whoopee cushions to school we absolutely will not be invited to plan anything else ever again.
Wow! I just had another great thought! Imagine how effectively I can embarrass my kids by running for President!
I can see the headlines now: “Un-cool Mom Wins Primary Based on Universal Hatred of Game-boy.”
Whatever Game-boy is.