Blame Now; Credit Later

“I’ll take the blame now because it will be credit later,” said the father of my children, amidst the protests of an unhappy family including me.

Now we quote him on a regular basis when decisions require a backbone.

My own dad has some gem-dandy ways of making us think.

“Will it matter in two years?” was his favorite response whenever I worried about the trials teenagers face in high school.

When folks are unkind to us now, I quote my dad to my kids as we walk away. “They probably have hemorrhoids,” was his way of telling us as kids to be patient because you never know what personal stuff might be going on in someone’s life to make ‘em cranky.

Since college students often get bogged down in choosing what they believe to be their life-long career, my dad also gave my kiddoes some sage advice when they started college, “Set a goal and change it if you change your mind.” He told them that in the long run they would get farther by moving ahead, rather than wavering in uncertainty.

What are some other favorite words from dads?

"I love you and I'm proud of you!" answered a friend of mine who is well respected in newspaper circles, is an ex-coach, and happens to be a nurturing person himself.

Another well-known and well-loved friend wrote this: "There are many... but first comes to mind the very last words he spoke to me. The day before he died, I was sitting on his hospital bed. He leaned over, hugged me, and said, "I'm proud of you, sugar.""

It seems there is a correlation between nurturing dads and success, doesn’t there?

Speaking of success and wise perspectives, one friend added this: "After dropping by yesterday and getting up to leave (his dad said)- "No need to hurry, why don't you stay a little longer?""

“Are you okay?” is the first question that my husband remembers clearly when as a teenager he called his dad to report that he had just wrecked the car.

Which brings me back to my husband’s comment about blame and credit.

Dads who are willing to take a hit - out of conviction about what is best for their kids - get kudos at the finish line.

Happy Father’s Day to all, especially my own dad.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Father’s Day: A True Apology is an Act of Courage.

A true apology is an act of courage.
I was so fortunate to grow up in a home where apologies were modeled at intervals, when appropriate, by a dad who took his parenting responsibilities seriously.
I only appreciated this phenomenon, when, as an adult, I began to recognize how many of my friends had NEVER heard an apology from their dad. EVER.
Sure, my dad lost his patience with three rowdy kids from time to time. But, I never remember a time when he didn’t follow a cross word with a heartfelt apology.
For instance, in typically generous fashion, my parents decided that the thing to do was drive all three kids to Disney World. Yeah, they were habitually naive about how well-behaved their kiddoes would be in the car.
Having patiently ignored and endured two days of bickering, interrupted by complaining, my parents nerves were beginning to fray about the time we reached the freeway in California during rush hour. Finally, my dad turned around and chewed us out.
All was silent in the car.
Suddenly, the silence was interrupted by the flashing lights and siren behind us that can mean only one thing; my dad was fixing to get a ticket.
As kids, it seemed like an act of God.
Amazingly, after the officer pulled away, my dad did the truly miraculous, no, heroic thing and apologized to us kids for losing his temper.
On a side note, I don’t think any one of us kids apologized for our attitudes. Personally, I remember gloating inwardly, just demonstrating again that children want justice for everyone but themselves.
There are plenty of ways to apologize which are cowardly. We’ve all experienced the kind of apology that only dodges responsibility.
So, what makes a true apology?
-Take responsibility for what you did or said. Simply and clearly, “I am sorry that I….”
-Don’t point out the other person’s faults. Period.
- Saying the words “Will you forgive me?” gives the person the chance to decide.
-Accept their answer. That’s it. If they need more time, then that’s their responsibility. You are free.
The reason the three rowdy backseat siblings like to laugh now about the time our dad got pulled over, instead of say, complaining to a psychologist, is because Dad had the guts and integrity to apologize to us. Wow.
Just a quick acknowledgement that he lost his patience with us. That’s all it took to convey a world of good mental health to his kids.
This Father’s Day, if your kids have never heard you apologize, please change the ebb and flow of your relationship by acknowledging the things that weigh on your conscience.
Give your kiddoes a heart to laugh.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Father's Day: The Muddy Holiday

I asked around to get the scoop on Father’s Day.
“Father’s Day? When is it?”
You have to give them credit; they are unbiased forgetters. It is not only Mother’s Day that they forget.
When guys think of good times with their kids, it usually involves water or mud or both, have you noticed?
I don’t know, maybe the little boy in their heart still wants to come out and play. Or maybe God invented fathers so the kids could get away with tracking mud through the kitchen at least one day a year. Don’t ask me.
I can assure you, mud and water are not synonymous with yard work. Although, mowing the grass and watering the lawn would seem to qualify from a female point of view.
Gals are already making plans for Father’s Day, so here are some ideas that your guy might like, as best as I can figure.
-Hire someone else to do the lawn for Father’s Day. If you hire a neighborhood teenager, be sure and mention that the money could be used to do something nice for his dad. His mother will thank you and us moms need to stick together.
-Take him bowling. Or set up empty 2 liter bottles on the back porch and bowl ‘em down with a Nerf ball.
-Take dad to a water park. This will preserve the pristine floor in your kitchen.
-Drag out the Slip and Slide. Forget about the kitchen floor.
-Challenge another family to a whiffle ball tournament, followed by a picnic.
-Schedule a surprise tee time.
-Take him to play putt-putt. Or better yet, give the kids 18 tin cans and set them to work building a putt-putt course in your back yard. Dad can supervise so he doesn’t mow over stray tin cans later. That is, if the lawn-mowing teenager doesn’t work out.
-Set up a BB gun firing range in the back yard.
-Put a target on an old box and shoot arrows.
-Have water balloon wars.
-Pamper him with a kid-delivered foot rub or a whole collection of coupons for his kids to do his chores.
“Children that can’t wait to hear my next word of godly instruction,” answered one dad with a chuckle, when we asked him what he wanted for Father’s Day.
Now that I think of it, why not do everything on the list?
Celebrate all week end. Those men in our life that fill the role of dad deserve credit.
Or, if you are overwhelmed at the thought of so much mud coming through the house, you could just buy him a boat, a convertible, or a motorcycle.
Just kidding. Sort of.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and plays in beautiful East Texas. Comments are invited at CaeKrafve2@aol.com or http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.