Orphaned Front Door

It was love at first sight. A relationship of convenience.
I wanted a new front door and I could afford the aged pine Louisiana beauty with no glass that came with two cypress sidelights included at no extra charge.
This particular door is a survivor. I could tell right away, leaning against the wall with all the other abandoned doors; it had a lot of inner beauty that could easily be overlooked. It looked forlorn. With moldy water-lines, I wondered if it had survived Katrina.
When we set the sidelights next to it, all three pieces looked happier; almost giddy. As giddy as doors can be when missing their window panes. Missing panes must be something like missing teeth for humans.
I took my orphan door family home and began the work of restoring them to their original glory. Or something like that.
In the process of reinventing my door, I learned some important life lessons.
- After trying to sand the fuzz off of cypress for a few hours, I re-visited my strict “no power tools” policy and invested in the cheapest electric sander at Noonday Hardware. Do other women hate power tools only because their husbands’ are way too heavy?
-By the time my builder saw my door family, I was too emotionally invested to re-consider because during all the hours of sanding I developed a respect for each line of the grain. Is this how all wood-workers feel?
-“I will not let my insecurities define who I am” is my motto, but I discovered that I get paralyzed when projects cost more than $100 dollars. Does everyone have a fear factor about messing up a project with a three digit price tag?
On the other hand, in this case, a little DIY doubled the value of the original investment.
-Having to custom fit the recycled door meant dollars went to local craftsmen. My builder kept his carpenters busy an extra half-day doing the custom trim.
-Adopting someone else’s cast-offs, meant I met a bunch of new folks, including Mona and Ferdinand at Antique Woods, 184 Pershing Hwy in Sunset, Louisiana where they had a fabulous selection at great prices.
Also, I met Chris, Toby, and Karen at Columbus Art Glass, 2625 University Blvd, in Tyler who spent more time talking colors with me than it took them to actually cut the glass when I finally decided. We narrowed it down to a mere eight different colors, all based on the symbolism in Russian Greek Orthodox iconography which is, okay, rather customer-specific, right?
Hopefully, the new front door with the colorful panes will serve to remind family and friends that our home is a sanctuary from the trials of a cold, cruel world where not only doors, but also humans, can sometimes feel orphaned.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Lots of Paint, Glue, and Icky-Sticky Stuff, Discovery Science Place

One of the things I like about Discovery Science Place in downtown Tyler is the folks there let me think I’m volunteering to teach.
With over 90 camps to choose from this summer there’s a little something for everyone. For more details, go to www.discoveryscienceplace.org.
The kid in me loves any opportunity to get gooey in the name of education, so, I volunteered to do a one-day science camp that spontaneously combusted art, science, history, and lots of paint, glue, and other icky-sticky stuff.
The truth is I learned more than I taught. Of course. Isn’t that the way it always is?
Preparing for the day-long seminar was already instructive as I tried to tie all the loose ends of my activities together with info from history and science.
Fifty years of learning and yet, I found gigantic gaps in my knowledge. How can this be!
Just exactly why does ketchup shine up copper pennies instantaneously?
I suppose this is trivia, really. Nothing earth-shaking.
On the other hand, in the name of adults everywhere, pride demands that I maintain some semblance of knowledge.
The reality of six uninterrupted hours with smart kids and their questions began to take shape in my mind. My confidence shrank in the face of my ignorance. I began to grasp for straws
What was I thinking? I muttered unintelligibly with a cloudy, bewildered look in my eyes.
To calm myself, I decided that this summer I would observe a real teacher simultaneously handle the science and the room full of smart kiddoes, rather than taking on the daunting task for a week myself.
So, just in case you have smart kids in your life and you, like me, feel the need to project the illusion of being well-educated, in order to maintain the adult-to-child balance of power, here’s your chance to send them off to science camp and let them come home excited and full of facts.
You won’t even have to admit that you are learning, too, as they tell you all about the experiments, projects, and fabulous teachers.
By the way, the penny/ketchup experiment we did scientifically proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that kiddoes love science in direct proportion to how messy it is.
Even though I googled penny, ketchup, copper and science experiments, I still don’t know why copper reacts to ketchup.
But not to worry, I’ll get another chance soon. DSP has a full docket with over 40 teachers brave enough to teach- or is it play- science, art, music, cooking, and culture this summer.
And of course, there will also be the folks like me, generally helping out while trying to be invisible when the smart kids ask questions.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Entertaining Kids is Highly Overrated: Nine Tips to Delete “Bored” From Your Summer

“Mom, I’m bored.”
Yes, summer is when all children everywhere try to shift the burden of entertaining themselves to mom.
Entertaining children is highly overrated, in my experienced opinion.
Never one to take on additional responsibilities regarding my children because they were already so much work, I always balked.
“Okay, get out a pen and a piece of paper,” I responded each year sometime during the first week of June.
Kids are way too smart to fall for any tricky business that involves pen and paper after school is out, so already I had them on the run.
With groaning and complaining, they proceeded to list their goals for the summer. Then, we posted them on the fridge, in case boredom struck again. I saved the lists; they are pretty cute.
If you are lucky enough to still have bored young ones in your home, here’s a list to arm you for the summer ritual:
-Walk the dog. Wash the dog. Teach the dog tricks.
-Create a sweet treat. Clean up the mess. Deliver it to a neighbor.
-Interview an elderly person about history.
-Plan an easy craft. Invite a younger child over to play.
-Plan a meal for the family. Make the grocery list. Guess at the cost of items on the list. Take it to the grocery store and shop with a separate cart for the items. Give the cashier the money and compare it to the estimate. Prepare the meal for the family.
-Make a special table decoration and set the table. Eat by candlelight.
-Make paper dolls using cookie cutters for patterns.
-Write a screenplay and act it out with siblings, neighbors, or cousins. Video tape it.
-Choose an amazing book and take turns reading it out loud together. Then, rent the movie version.
-Play an old-fashioned board game, like Candy Land or Sequence. Make caramel corn in the microwave. (For the recipe, go to my blogsite.)
I know times have changed with so many moms working. Children spend summer almost as busy as they are the rest of the year.
But don’t forget to schedule in a little down time. Being bored is good for kids. It gives them a chance to think about and make their own plans for a few hours.
Boredom can be a good thing, especially if it produces a disciplined mind.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:/checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Microwave Caramel Corn

2 2.9 oz. bags of microwave popcorn

Caramel sauce:
1 stick butter
1 1/2 cup brown sugar
½ cup white corn syrup
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoons baking soda

Begin by using your butter to lightly grease a cookie sheet.
Then, nuke your popcorn. Empty the bags into a big bowl and separate away all the unpopped kernels.
Next, make your caramel sauce in a big microwave dish. I use a 2 quart measuring cup. Melt the butter first. Then add all the other ingredients, except the baking soda. Nuke for 1 minute. Stir. Repeat two more times or until the sugar feels less grainy. Then add the baking soda and nuke 1 more minute.
Pour the sauce over the popcorn and stir. Spread it out on the cookie sheet to cool.
My friend gave me this recipe years ago and it is a family tradition on game nights.

Halleluiah Girl Gone Missing

This column isn't due out for a couple of weeks, but I ran into a couple of the TJC welding guys today having lunch at Bruno's. In honor of the great job they are doing, I'm posting this early. (Enjoy, fellas, and thanks for blessing our family with your good work.)


“I’m looking for a lost sculpture we call the Halleluiah Girl,” I explained over the phone.
“Oh, we call her the Rag Lady,” laughed the woman, a person of authority at TJC.
When my daughter was an art student at TJC, the teachers there created a welding class just for her so she could try her hand at sculpting. While the rest of the all-male class was learning to do precision welding, joining identical rows of metal over and over in precise patterns with no scarring in order to prepare for a future in aeronautics or medical technology, Anna was cutting Greek faces in relief out of metal discs and creating furniture out of old pipes.
The Halleluiah Girl began her life as a random circle, triangle and some spare parts, salvaged from a junk yard probably. With two metal stick arms raised in salute of the heavens, I imagine she was dancing in celebration of being released from a pile surrounded by chain link and guarded at night by ferocious German Shepherds.
I can imagine her excitement when she realized that she had been reincarnated on a college campus, surrounded by the stimulation and laughter that goes with young minds learning new things. Imagine her delight when she was assigned the task of jazzing up an empty space on the campus.
It was a task she did quietly, but enthusiastically for many years. Occasionally I would stop by to check on her, bringing my husband and his truck with the hope that he would see the value of moving her to our rose garden. For some reason, he believed she was happy where she was.
Alas, I may have waited too long. Maybe she felt abandoned. Unappreciated.
Maybe she felt exposed; naked and ashamed because the artist never got around to painting her.
Anyway, Halleluiah Girl wandered off the job.
“I’ll put out an Amber Alert for, what did you call her? The Halleluiah Girl?” promised the lady.
I called my daughter later to report the status on the lost sculpture.
“I have some good news for you. The folks at TJC have developed an emotional attachment to your sculpture. They’ve even given her a nick name.”
I am thinking of re-naming the sculpture: Homeless Girl.
I hate to think of her stuffed into a dark closet and jealous because the vacuum cleaners get to see the light of day once in awhile.
If we find her, I am going to give her a bright red coat of paint. Maybe a new task will help with her recovery, too.
She can wave at my neighbors in her bright red triangle dress as they drive by my rose garden. Maybe the neighbors will develop an emotional attachment to her, too.
Or maybe my husband will agree to donate her to a Homeless Shelter with an empty spot in their garden.
Maybe, when they see her dancing among the flowers with her arms outstretched to the sky, they’ll re-name her Halleluiah Girl once again because she is the perfect picture of second chances.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:/checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Do NOT Glue Your Fingers Together

“Mom, these instructions say not to glue your fingers together,” said my son in reference to the new model kit I bought him.
He’s making a snappy-looking F-106 Delta Dart that requires paint, super glue, but no screw drivers.
I bought him two tiny screwdrivers anyway. Just because a boy is bound to need tiny screwdrivers for something.
At school this past year, one of his friends tried unsuccessfully to glue four fingers together. Fortunately, it is a law of nature that no boy can be still long enough for Elmer’s glue to set. That’s probably why super glue never makes the back-to-school supply list.
Somebody pointed out that boys come equipped with an automatic delete function for the “not” in all Mom’s sentences? Good point.
It follows that while mom is emphasizing the “not” in the following sentences, the boy is hearing “definitely DO this.”
Do not stick those screwdrivers in the electrical socket.
Do not play with matches.
Do not point the BB gun at your friend.
Do not parachute off the roof with a towel.
Do not cut your own hair. Do not cut your little brother’s hair.
Do not pester your sister.
Do not put Blackcat firecrackers in the fireplace.
There is a correlating principle that suggests that boys reverse the words “always” and “never,” as in the following examples.
Always make up your bed.
Always keep your room clean, just in case you get invited to play airsoft.
Never stand in the front yard and moon the neighbors.
Never use gasoline to start a fire.
I suppose it is a rite of passage for boys to do things that their moms don’t like. A rite of passage for moms, you understand.
The process causes moms to grow up and face the fact that our sons will be men some day. Being a man is a very different state of existence than the one we exist in as females. So, it follows that they will do things that our daughters never even thought of.
Raising a boy will make a man out of ya.
Unless you are the child’s mother, in which case you will be scratching your head and turning to your husband with the words, “Well, he is your son.”
I guess my son is growing up; he has painted the fighter jet without spilling the paint even once.
The question remains, though. Can he reach adulthood while resisting the urge to glue his fingers together with super glue? I’ll keep ya posted.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:/checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Easiest, Cheapest Costume Ever

“Mom, how do you make lion costumes?” asked my daughter calling me on the day of a gala philanthropic event supporting literacy in which college men compete for a crown by dancing across stage to musical productions they choreograph themselves with a team of girls.
My daughter’s team was competing to tunes from The Lion King.
No need to panic, even though it was the very day of the event. Our family knows how to make the easiest, cheapest, lion costumes ever.
My mind flashed back to my early days of parenting when this same daughter was a twin set with her sister who is only a year older; two little blond darlings with huge, relaxed smiles and easy giggles.
We were living in Louisiana, eating beans and cornbread every night and thankful just to pay our bills.
For Vacation Bible School that year I turned to my rag closet and pulled out an old brown towel to make the costumes they needed for Noah’s Arc day. They skipped into church, holding hands and dressed as a pair of lions without worrying about the fact that, scripturally speaking, one of them should have been a male.
“Guess what, Mom, we won first prize!” was how they greeted me that afternoon, tiny fingers trailing fluttery blue ribbons in the air.
To make two costumes, you’ll need about fifteen minutes and the following:
-one brown or tan towel,
-3 yards of bright ribbon,
-2 plastic hair bands,
-2 safety pins to hold the tail to their pants,
-your glue gun.
Cut the towel in half, lengthways.
Then, to make two tails, cut another four inch strip lengthways off the rough edge of each half. Roll up each four-inch strip to form the tails, but cut off the last three inches to save for making the ears. With your glue gun, run a seam down your rolled tail almost to the end to hold it together. Cut the lose end, fringing to look like a lion’s fuzzy tail.
Cut your ribbon into six equal parts, ½ yard each, then, tie one ribbon around the ends of each tail. Done.
To make the lion’s mane, fringe the remaining towel into strips starting from the rough side and cutting to within two inches of the seemed side. Don’t cut all the way through, just close to the seemed side of the towel.
Glue a piece of ribbon on each end of the seemed side, hang it around the neck of each little lion and tie a big bow. Done.
To make the ears, simply fold the remaining scraps from the tails into squares, then, cut into triangles. Glue two triangles onto each headband. All done.
We laughed as we watched two grown college men dance to “I just can’t wait to be king,” competing with twenty other contestants. But the best part was when both lions made the finals.
We are pretty sure it had something to do with the costumes.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are welcome at http://checklistcharlis.blogspot.com or cathykrafve.gmail.com.