The Gift of Affirmation

“If only he had told me,” lamented my friend after his dad died.
His father’s friends kept coming up to him at the funeral and telling him how proud his dad was of the fact that he had finished medical school.
Why leave it for someone else to do at your funeral?
Now is the time to say how much you love and value your child. Or your wife. Or your parents.
Why are affirmations, sometimes called verbal blessings, so hard to give? Probably, because most of us feel a little uncomfortable with anything that seems kinda mushy.
“So what are you trying to get?” is the response we sort of expect. Actually, even a person who enjoys the positive attention will respond with humor to diffuse their discomfort.
So what? Who cares? Do it anyway. Just so your family will start to get the hang of it.
What makes a good affirmation?
-Make it personal. If you are not in the habit of affirming the folks in your life, you may need to change the dynamics. Be sure to let your family members know that you are serious. Begin with something like this, “Because you mean so much to me, I have something I want to say to you.” Or, “When you came into my life, I knew God was blessing me.”
-Make it true. Be sure to choose a comment that is true about your loved one. It has to be something you believe. For example, “I have always been thankful for the way you respond so lovingly to your siblings.” Or, “It means a lot to me that you always try again even when you feel discouraged.” Or, “I am so proud of the way you give yourself to others unselfishly.”
-Make it pure. Don’t add one negative thought to the moment. Keep it simple and focused on the blessing of affirmation. Give a gift without strings attached. Do NOT suggest ways they could improve or mention things that used to be worse.
Like, Abraham in the Old Testament, my father-in-law made a deliberate effort to verbally bless all of us who loved him before he died.
In my case, he bestowed on me the title of real daughter, rather than daughter-in- law.
It happened a few days before he died. He happened to mention daughters in the plural. Of course, because he was so sick, we assumed he was confused because he only had one daughter.
However, weak as he was, he made it clear he thought of me as a real daughter, one of his own, saying as much in an emphatic way. His wife and daughter witnessed and confirmed that we all understood him correctly.
I had twenty-five Christmases with my father-in-law and probably more Christmas presents than I can count; all presents I can no longer recall.
The best present he ever gave me was designating me a real daughter.
When you are making out your Christmas list this year, don’t overlook the value of a verbal affirmation.
It will probably be the present they remember long after you’re gone.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.