Blame Now; Credit Later

“I’ll take the blame now because it will be credit later,” said the father of my children, amidst the protests of an unhappy family including me.

Now we quote him on a regular basis when decisions require a backbone.

My own dad has some gem-dandy ways of making us think.

“Will it matter in two years?” was his favorite response whenever I worried about the trials teenagers face in high school.

When folks are unkind to us now, I quote my dad to my kids as we walk away. “They probably have hemorrhoids,” was his way of telling us as kids to be patient because you never know what personal stuff might be going on in someone’s life to make ‘em cranky.

Since college students often get bogged down in choosing what they believe to be their life-long career, my dad also gave my kiddoes some sage advice when they started college, “Set a goal and change it if you change your mind.” He told them that in the long run they would get farther by moving ahead, rather than wavering in uncertainty.

What are some other favorite words from dads?

"I love you and I'm proud of you!" answered a friend of mine who is well respected in newspaper circles, is an ex-coach, and happens to be a nurturing person himself.

Another well-known and well-loved friend wrote this: "There are many... but first comes to mind the very last words he spoke to me. The day before he died, I was sitting on his hospital bed. He leaned over, hugged me, and said, "I'm proud of you, sugar.""

It seems there is a correlation between nurturing dads and success, doesn’t there?

Speaking of success and wise perspectives, one friend added this: "After dropping by yesterday and getting up to leave (his dad said)- "No need to hurry, why don't you stay a little longer?""

“Are you okay?” is the first question that my husband remembers clearly when as a teenager he called his dad to report that he had just wrecked the car.

Which brings me back to my husband’s comment about blame and credit.

Dads who are willing to take a hit - out of conviction about what is best for their kids - get kudos at the finish line.

Happy Father’s Day to all, especially my own dad.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

How to Raise Faithful Kids

Our family adopted a beautiful, smart black and white Border Collie from a rescue shelter for our son when his big sisters left for college a few years ago.

We brainstormed and came up with a list of fifty or so names, including terrific choices like “Scout” from To Kill a Mockingbird.

“Lucy. I want to name my dog after my wife,” demanded the 8-year-old, proud new owner of man’s best friend.

I’m not sure how that’s going to work out, but the dog’s name is Lucy. Up until that moment, it had also been his prayer nickname for his future spouse.

So, how do you teach a child to care about someone they haven’t met yet?

-Teach your kids the true answers to the question, “How does God define marriage?” This includes answers to questions like, “When is a marriage official in God’s sight?” and “What are God’s purposes for marriage?”

-Don’t wait until they are teenagers to think and talk about their future spouses. Begin today.

-Be reasonable and consistent about dating. All kids need some social interaction, but do they really need to be alone as a couple in a car? Group activities are so much healthier and more practical than pairing up.

-Set a high standard for yourself as a parent. Be strict with yourself about how you interact with your co-workers and friends of the opposite sex.

-Say encouraging things to your kids, like “Your future spouse is out there right this minute” or “Your school friends may be the ones to introduce you to your future spouse” or my personal favorite, “Would you really want your friends telling her that you crushed on every girl in middle school?”

-Have fun as a family. Welcome your children into the social aspects of your life when they are small and they’ll be more likely to include you in their lives when they are teens. Make life fun.

I can’t wait to meet my future daughter-in-law. I just hope her name isn’t really Lucy. It could be awkward.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Nice Girls and Sexual Harassment

What in the world is wrong with this character?!

I was entranced at a party recently as a twenty-something friend put off the advances of a too attentive young man.

I wanted her to bust his chops and put an end to our misery, but she was way too nice.

He was so focused that he didn’t notice that her friends, and at least one middle-aged mom-type, were paying close attention to his every move.

I have another twenty-something friend who quit her job rather than confront a guy at work who came on too strong.

So, here’s what I have to say to nice girls, “Quit being so nice!”

How? Here are some suggestions:

-Carry a knife in your purse. Nothing says “get out of my bubble” like cleaning your fingernails with a big, macho pocketknife. Just remember to leave it at home when you go to the airport.

-Ask a simple question, “Did you play football?” No matter how he answers the question, twirl around in “stiff arm” position and explain that he is taking a chance if he gets any closer than that.

-Sneak attacks? Don’t you just hate it when guys think they can approach you from the back and get in uncomfortably close? There’s a simple solution to that problem. Twist around quickly, put a knee in his groin and then say, “Oops! Did I hurt you?”

-Door strategy. If the guy stands in the doorframe of your car to prevent you from leaving, hit the alarm button on your key fob. Then say, “Back up please, I am leaving. NOW. That’s the signal.”

-Psychological warfare. Any guy that says, “You’re not nice,” is being manipulative. Your answer to that is “No, I am certainly NOT nice. Thank you for noticing.”

-Clarify the rules. Say exactly what you want him to know. For example, “Did I say you could enter my personal bubble?”

Most of the time you can clarify the rules with a simple statement as long as you smile. If you don’t laugh people will feel threatened, especially if you are cleaning your fingernails or picking your teeth with your bad-ass knife.

One last thought, if your mother would be offended about the way he’s acting, you should be, too. And it is best to let him know it. With a nice smile, of course.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Dyslexia is a Blessing

Dyslexia is a blessing.

It does not seem that way in 1st and 2nd grade when your child comes home with big red X’s on his paper because he wrote a 2 where his brain was thinking of a 6.

It does not seem that way in 3rd grade when he’s the only one in the classroom who can’t read his assignments so you are spending your weekends catching him up by reading each and every chapter to him out of textbooks.

There was a day when ISD administrations were slow to take up the issue of dyslexia because it represented a new expense, another burden. Fifteen or twenty years ago, a handful of parents fought hard to make special training for dyslexic students happen in our area.

What a blessing for those of us who have come afterward.

Fortunately those parents discovered a fabulous program, developed by Scottish Rite which is now the benchmark for all that followed.

“Dyslexia is a learning disorder that affects approximately 10 percent of children,” according to the Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children website, http://www.tsrhc.org/dyslexia-educator-center.htm. “Those diagnosed with dyslexia have trouble connecting sounds to letter symbols. This affects the way children with dyslexia learn to read and spell.”

“Well, no dah!” I would have shouted at my computer screen a few years ago, fearing my son would never read, never keyboard, never have a chance at college.

“Children with dyslexia can learn to read and be successful despite their learning differences. Fortunately, major strides have been made in understanding the language-based disorder, many of them at Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children,” says the article.

Dyslexia does not seem like a blessing at first. It seemed overwhelming.

Therein lies the problem: We tend to protect our children from any form of discomfort. Most parents, including me, don’t usually see challenges as a blessing.

Especially if those challenges involve making the parent (me) uncomfortable!

Later, when we begin to see how much fortitude our dyslexic child has gained in the process of learning to compensate, suddenly our viewpoint may start to change.

When we see success.

When we see his willingness to work harder than everybody else. Then the realization dawns that dyslexia has turned out to be a blessing.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Pigeon Prose

Being a columnist is a lot like being an elementary school teacher in this; as much as you try to do your best with each one, sometimes you can’t help but choose your favorites.

AND other columnists send me their own favorites.

I’ve read some doozies; for instance, one about a beloved fat feline that brought tears to my eyes or the one about teenagers that reminded me that all parents are in the same boat…um…car.

Don Comedy, retired newspaperman and a wonderfully witty wordsmith, sent me this gem and I asked him if I could share.

After a vacation from writing, following the sale of the Haskell, Texas Free Press where Don served as Editor and Publisher for 24 years, he’s back at the keyboard.

So here’s the Checklist Charlie pick for particularly pleasing playful pigeon prose. Don writes:

“I recently learned of a $60,000 grant to control pigeons in Hollywood, CA and that the preferred method of control by PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) was some type of birth control pill. Most of my friends being more of the ‘red-neck’ type however, seem to trend more toward pellet guns.

Now, I’m sure that PETA would much prefer the “pill” over the “pellet”, but in either event, the costs would probably be about the same if you actually paid the pill pushers or the pellet shooters.

One serious potential problem with the “pill” would be in dispensing to pigeons that prefer to perch on Catholic buildings. While PETA prefers the pill, the Pope has previously preached in opposition to the pill. Surely that preference would include the Catholic pigeons that perch on parish parapets.

Now, the Catholics might be ok with the “pellet”, but PETA won’t.

Which causes one to ponder….

If the Pope prefers the “pellet” and PETA prefers the “pill”, how many pigeons could St. Peter pellet, while PETA peddles pills?”

Don’s now in Austin, working as a lobbyist, which is a loss to the newspaper industry.

One of his first jobs while he was still in high school was working as an intern for LBJ. Some of his later adventures in the political arena involve flying all over west Texas in a antiquated two-seater plane with one of his childhood buddies to help his friend get elected to his first regional office. That guy’s now the governor.

Their friendship continues and Comedy still sings praises for Perry’s public service.

Personally, the pigeons and I would like it if Don would take a few months off and write a book. He seems to understand that we have issues.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Girl Scout Cookies

My New Year’s diet always has an expiration date. It ends March 1.

That’s inevitably when I run into the first Girl Scout Troup selling boxes of temptation outside the grocery store.

You know what I’m talking about. Those adorable girls in their matching costumes, giggling and chatting behind folding tables, working hard to earn money for a good cause; they make succumbing to temptation feel downright righteous.

All of which would NOT be such a high-caloric problem if only I was willing to share.

Let’s face it; those cookies are so addictive that you cannot possibly open a box without eating each and every crumb.

It requires a strategy to get even one cookie once your family discovers that you have purchased a box.

Fortunately, a long and delicious life has taught me a thing or two about getting my fair share of the Girl Scout Cookies.

First, buy at least ten boxes every time you run into the girls. It’s for a good cause.

Second, when you get home wrap all the Thin Mints in brown paper bags and hide them in the back of the freezer.

Next, throw the family off the scent by putting all the Dosidos in plain sight in the front of the freezer.

Finally, put several boxes of Trefoils out on the counter as if you are an unselfish mom who intended to share.

And, just in case your family is onto your tricks, eat a whole box of Thin Mints in the parking lot before you leave the grocery store.

Favorite uses of Girl Scout Cookies:

-Sneaking two boxes into the movie theater on date night (not that I’ve ever done that.)

-Bringing them to school functions with the comment, “You know I don’t cook, but…” Believe me, no one cares that you don’t do homemade.

-Using them as a bribe for just about anything you want your family to do, as in “There could be a box of Girl Scout Cookies in it for you if you help me with my technology.”

I was disappointed to learn that the young man who mows our grass only takes Girl Scout Cookies as a tip, not full payment.

Back in January, I made a near fatal mistake of running into some early sellers in a different part of the state. Did you know that Girl Scout Cookies are released at different times in different parts of Texas? Who knew?

Personally, I think there should be a warning label on each box: “Could be dangerous for your diet if you are traveling.”

The moral of this story is simple: Don’t leave East Texas between Jan 1 and March 1. Stay where it’s safe.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Less Fat, More life

DIET is a four-letter word.

Imagine the frustration that word is stirring up in the heart of a teenager who was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure; a problem that temporarily bumped him out of the sports he loves and landed him in the hospital. Bummer.

Life is not fair.

His mom happens to have a friend who is a self-trained expert on how to fail at every diet. That would be me. I have a wealth of unwanted experience about trimming the fat and upping the nutritional value of my calories.

In honor of my friend’s son, here are the things that turn out to be kinda easy:

-Google all the fast food restaurants and pick out one item you like on each menu that is less than 300 calories, maybe a little more for guys. That way you’ll have a “safe” choice when you are hanging out with your friends. You’ll be surprised; who knew a small cup of slaw could pack a whopping 600 calories.

-Pick out a sugarless jam or jelly to eat on your toast instead of butter. This can cure a sweet tooth.

-Spread a teaspoon of peanut butter or Neufchatel on a whole-wheat cracker or flat pretzels if you find yourself craving fat. Or choose avocado because it will give you a dose of potassium and you can add onions and tomatoes and have guacamole.

-Teenagers always love Rotel dip, but add a can of vegetarian refried beans and at least get a little real food in there with the Velveeta.

-Keep boiled eggs in the fridge. Cut them in half and throw away half the yoke.

-My friend who is a personal trainer tells me that people who are successful at losing weight keep diaries of what they eat each day. I can’t seem to be that organized more than one week at a time, so I just do it every other week. To me, overeating is a lot like when folks quit smoking for a week, that’s still a week less lung pollution or a week of eating for good health. It can’t hurt.

-Find some easy, crock pot recipes, like lo-cal lo-fat soups, so when you walk in your door tired and hungry the smell that greets you will be temptingly healthy.

-Invest in a sturdy, non-stick skillet.

-Experiment to find the changes your family might not notice, like tossing a few tablespoons of bran or oatmeal into your regular baking recipes. Or replacing some of the butter with small amounts of olive oil.

No, there’s nothing earth shaking on this list; just a few easy changes that your family might be willing to swallow, like drinking more water and less soda pop.

Who knows? A few less calories today might mean a longer, healthier life for the whole family.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.