Surviving Your Siblings

I have an awesome younger sister and brother.
You could have seen the beginnings of who my siblings are now, if you had known us way back when we were kids.
Among other things, my brother is energetic, tender, and funny.
My sister is loyal, attentive, and thoughtful. We always say she fills up a room with her laughter.
We were also very creative children, so my poor mom had a hard time staying ahead of our mischief. Especially me.
Basically, I thought as the oldest it was my job to totally subjugate the other younger two.
No matter how many bad habits you have left over from your childhood, there are there are some easy things you can do to repair the damage as adults.
Number one; understand that God designed the family of our youth as a training ground for leadership.
Good leaders know that women need to be valued by having appreciation expressed for them. Men need to be valued by being treated respectfully. Understanding that your siblings need to be valued can go along way to repairing the damage.
Number two; recognize that your siblings were designed for God’s purpose in their adult lives. The traits that annoyed you when you were all immature were put there for a purpose. Making a list of all the things that annoyed you as a child may help you recognize how great those traits are in adults.
Number three; remember to parent your own kids, but not theirs.
Since we were the first to have kids in our generation of our family, we got plenty of inexperienced, unwanted advice. We learned to respect God’s leadership and to trust our siblings to make wise decisions when their kiddoes came along. We try to offer encouragement only.
Cain is the poster child for destructive sibling rivalry, isn’t he?
“That’s not fair!” he shouted, like an immature brat, when God explained the consequences for killing his brother.
The guy kills his brother and he has the nerve to tell God that the consequences are not fair. What a problem child!
I can imagine God thinking, I designed that kid with boldness and look how he talks back to Me.
Just like Abel couldn’t fix Cain, as adults sometimes we can’t fix our relationships with our siblings.
Murder is not cool.
Sometimes surviving is enough.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Power of the Spoken Word

As a parent, if you learn anything in life, you learn that teenagers are full of truth.
‘Course it can come at the most unexpected times and in the most unusual ways.
“People can use their words for good, of course, but they can also use them for destruction,” said my current favorite teenager on the way to middle school one morning.
Really? Did he really just open up that conversation, I thought, as I grappled with the idea that we were fixing to have a serious discussion before I finished my first cup of caffeine.
His point was simple.
He had been observing at school that while kids were frequently just awful with the stuff they said to each other – no news there – that, well, a kind word could give vision to a kid who didn’t have many positive thoughts directed his way.
It reminded me that God’s word is a two-edged sword, but in a different kind of way.
Both “sword edges” of God’s word are for good because He is Himself good.
Whether His word convicts our hearts or confirms our wholesome convictions, His message serves us in good ways. Always, His thoughts and His ideas are for the benefit of those who love Him.
At the same time, His message is also always for the benefit of those who reject Him. Even as people run from God and reject Him, He still seeks them out in love.
In other words, because God is wholly good, His message is good at every level and in every way for anyone, even those who hate Him. He is just that good.
On the other hand, people are not 100% good. Basically, our words are a two- edged sword that reflects the duality of our nature – the desire to be selfish and the desire to be unselfish.
Is there any place where that is more obvious than middle school?
“I just told him he is intelligent, Mom,” said my son, “I don’t think many people tell him that.”
Using truth to create hope.
What a truth-full teenager!
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Red Shoe Philosophy

Valentine’s Day is not really about love at all. It is all about philosophy.

For this reason, I think it is important to note philosophical issues, especially the ones related to Valentine’s Day.

For instance, the Red Shoe Philosophy is one noteworthy theory that seems particularly relevant as Valentine’s Day approaches.

The Red Shoe Philosophy is simple: If you wear red shoes you will have a good day.

This semi-scientifically tested theory seems to hold true regardless of bad hair days, by the way. Or extra weigh gained over the holidays.

There is something so invigorating about a high-healed pair of red pumps.

I especially liked the picture I saw recently of a pair of red tennis shoes under a prom dress.

Or red cowboy boots; yeehaw!

Not only does a gal in red shoes walk with a little extra spring, she puts a smile on the face of anybody who happens to catch a glimpse of her lipstick-colored footwear.

The reason I think the Red Shoe Philosophy is relevant for Valentine’s Day is because a lot of single gals detest this holiday.

There’s something so disappointing for single gals about the heartbreaking combination of a holiday that emphasizes chocolate and having no one to give you any.

Having the right philosophy is self-empowering.

The great news is, you get to choose your own podiatral adornments. And shoes don’t add calories to your diet.

Like a gal in a zippy red sports car, you can leave all those single guys idling in the wake of your glimmering, flashes of self-confidence.

Or for the guy who is the lucky lover of a gal who buys into the whole Red Shoe Philosophy, here’s another philosophical pearl that is sure to come in handy when you rush out at the last minute in a Valentine’s Day buying panic.

Gals love shoes. Especially red ones. Hint, hint.

So, for the guy desperately trying to please his sweetheart, some pertinent philosophical perspectives seem especially relevant this time of year.

Just buy jewelry.

Or check in her closet for her shoe size.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Putting the Profit in Non-profit

All successful organizations are purpose-driven.

Whether it’s a good cause or just having fun, a shared sense of purpose is what unites people.

Unfortunately, with the recession, many non-profits are checking their budget and squirming for lack of funds, even those groups who are united around a worthy purpose.

With so many inexpensive booths available at fairs and festivals this fall, a booth is an excellent way to get the word out about your organization AND pick up some spare change.

But what to sell? Anything that is fun to buy.

That especially includes any paraphernalia pertaining to hobbies and sports, like:

-Hunting (pocketknives, camo hunting vests, ammo belts),

-Fishing (lures; antique lures, rods, or tackle boxes),

-Auto, Boat, and Motorcycle accessories (special cleansers or chamois, flashlights, gadgets, gizmos, and guy stuff),

-Grilling (small recipe books created by your organization, tools like tongs or spatulas, spice packages),

-Golf (golf balls or towels with funny sayings, emergency medical kits with sunscreen and band aids and funny “remedies” for bad golf days).

If you still need ideas for what people want to buy, here are a few more suggestions:

-Spend the day at Canton with some club members and search for ideas.

-Walmart has a whole aisles of ideas of stuff that people want to buy, especially the “impulse” displays that always catch me right before the cash register.

-Don’t miss a chance for members to clean out their attics and re-purpose gently used stuff to raise funds for your group.

-Why not plan a special fundraiser dinner for a few days later and sell tickets at your booth?

Finally, most importantly, new members mean new income in dues and donations, so don’t forget to recruit. Come prepared with brochures that clearly state the purpose of your organization.

Having enthusiastic volunteers ready to answer questions will make recruitment more successful. Have clipboards with membership applications ready that include contact info like email, phone, and address.

If you offer a discount to anyone joining that day, you may find that new members are eager to write a check for membership dues on the spot. Be sure to have a lock box available and a member assigned to be responsible for it.

In fact, if you plan your booth strategy well, you may find your next big project is training new members and figuring out what to do with all that extra cash.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Newspaper Journalism and Other Crazy Adventures

This, written specifically for the Bullard Banner, I'm posting in honor of Mrs. Vining's Journalism class at BHS, a collection of young people with extensive vocabularies and highly developed senses of humor.

The world revolved around Bullard, Texas this week.

For those of us who love this sleepy little community any little ripple in the pond matters.

Take the fact that a tiny, but darling little Kindergartner started her first week of school with her blond hair brushed to a sheen and her blue eyes sparkling with anticipation. The class of 2022 arrived for class this week with wiggles and trembles and giggles.

What is Libby looking forward to most about the upcoming 12-year education career initiated this week?

“You get to hear stories,” she answered without hesitation.

Reminds me of a shiny-eyed twenty-something art teacher Sarah Dupree who happens to be Libby’s aunt. She started her first day of school this week, too, at Brook Hill.

Welcome to the world of the Banner where everybody has a story to tell or an important part to perform, like for instance the Baby Belles and the Boys and Girls Club members.

Of course, you may notice that I am NOT known for my photography skills. Consider this your invitation to document the daily blessings of our community, especially with your camera. My heartfelt thanks to all those who emailed pictures this week. What would I do without you!

I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Like Libby, my favorite part of the adventure is hearing the stories.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

1000 Reasons I Love Bullard

Back when I was a kid, you could drive any direction in East Texas and pass any number of small towns and miss ‘em if you blinked.

But if you got to Bullard, you knew you’d arrived.

Maybe its because three generations of families have farmed and turned cattle out to graze the land. Or maybe it’s because more often than not Bullard had terrific football teams.

There are a thousand reasons to love Bullard today. Here are a few:

-I love the way Bullard folks bicker like siblings, then bury the hatchet and all pitch in.

-I love the way public policy discussions are rowdy.

-I love the way the Bullard Banner adds to the sense of community and also manages to print tons of pictures of kiddoes doing great things.

-I love the way there is a golden diamond of buildings available for community functions, like points on a compass. To the north, a public golf course, an amazing private school and a beautiful new museum all of which are drawing people to Bullard. From the east to the south, an impressive array of public school facilities. From the south to the west, Bushman’s and Kiepersol.

-I love the new Bullard Education Foundation.

-I love the way there are many strong churches whose members put aside doctrinal differences and work together all the time.

-I love the way civic leaders aren’t afraid to dream big and welcome new people to serve.

-I love the way kids are included and tag along to adult functions.

-I love the way independent-minded businessmen start new ventures, sometimes more than one business at a time.

-I love the way folks who work for big businesses are not afraid to ask their bosses to pitch in and help.

-I love the way the men are strong and full of courage and the women are, too.

What would I like to see happen in Bullard next?

-I’d love to see the proposed library building become reality. The plan is to create a public space that will bring all the generations together. I hope it has cyber-friendly access.

-I’d love to see the new Boys and Girls Club get the facility they need.

-I’d love to see the Red, White and Blue Festival become known as a state-wide clearing house where once a year dozens of organizations and VA representatives gather to serve our young veterans and their families as they return home from Afghanistan and Iraq. Connecting vets and their families with services is a great way honor Veteran’s Day each year.

I could go on, but the best reason to love Bullard is her people. And there’s more than a thousand of ‘em.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Social Networking. Good Grief!

I was trying not to be distracted by the fishnet hose, the French beret, and the incredibly stylish retro jacket.

So much fashion sense and brains to boot. Life is not fair.

I was supposed to be picking Megan Strout’s brain about social networking/social media for ways to help my readers, you understand. One benefit of being a writer is you never have to admit you are clueless you just pretend your readers need to know.

So, just what is social networking?

“It’s a cocktail party,” says Meg with her usual impish grin. She totally knows I’m baffled.

“By that I mean, it’s where you go to meet interesting people and learn new things,” she explains.

She tells me that by using free sites like Facebook and Twitter you can also market yourself, your business, your favorite charity or events.

She claims social networking is a great way to make new friends.

“What about the scary people,” I ask, thinking of her parents and how much they want her to be safe. Apparently, there are a thousand mysterious ways you can avoid scary people with technology, using a block, whatever that is. She assures me that avoiding trouble on the Internet is a lot like avoiding it in real life, common sense.

She showed me an app (that’s short for application) called yelp.com available on techy cell phones. Apparently it’s an example of the coolest new thing in social networking, “Location-Based Social Review Sites” as Meg calls them.

Strategic if you have a small business; an excellent way to find out who loves your business, keep in touch with customers, and get honest feedback on customer issues that can be corrected.

She typed Mexican Food into the search window of her iphone and up popped nearby restaurants. One great restaurant had a terrific and accurate review. My personal favorite did not.

If you have a small business, you can go to yelp.com and write a review or offer a coupon-type incentive for folks to come by.

Personally, I’m totally freaked out that Meg’s iphone knew where we were.

“GPS,” she explains. There’s that impish grin again.

Still, I’ve already installed yelp.com on my iphone. They make you take a picture before you can post a review.

After several really awful pictures of myself, I opted for a picture of the K on my keyboard. Not a bad shot.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

People-Watching to the Sound of a Bell

I saw two fragile little gals with walkers, the fancy kind with a seat and four wheels, who braved the crowds to be with loved ones.

I saw grandmothers with daughters and granddaughters, three generations of women reflecting strong genetic similarities, mutually committed to the afternoon’s purpose.

I heard patient husbands sound the familiar honk that signaled where they were waiting in the parking lot.

I saw infants in strollers, sleeping soundly through the hubbub all around them.

I saw teenage boys with their arm around mom, giving her their most convincing, charming arguments of persuasion.

I saw giggly teenage girls walking past in craft-inspired flip flops.

I saw a glamorous middle-aged lady with lots of bling in zebra print leggings.

I saw brothers and cousins in overalls carrying heavy packages for the ladies to the pick-up truck.

I saw elementary school children, too many to count, give their parents a significant look as they walked past me.

I heard laughter and joking.

I saw newly-weds reach deep in the pockets of their sweat pants for change to share.

I saw genteel, kindly grandfathers, many of whom had hosted lunch for the whole family, open leather wallets stuffed full of crisp bills.

I heard one young man ask his mom, “What about the change left over from Dairy Queen, Mom?”

I saw toddlers too small to see the top of the kettle stretch to put their first pennies and nickels in.

I saw young mothers begin the process of teaching their kiddoes that there are people in our community that don’t have what they need and that sharing is a good thing.

When I called out the familiar “God bless you,” one lady respond that she certainly needed God’s blessing.

I saw and heard all of this in two short hours on the day I rang the bell for the very first time in my life.

When my relief crew came, it was a spritely, sweet grandmother who claimed that the two teenage granddaughters she brought with her “came all the way from Arizona to ring the bell.”

I hear the Salvation Army still has some places left for those willing to volunteer a few hours of their time. Contact Cindy Bell with The Salvation Army, 903.592.4361.

So much to see and hear in only a few short hours.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

A Community Full of Reason to Give Thanks

There’s a chill in the air and we are alive to enjoy it.

Two reason to give thanks.

Each year at this time I make out a short list of reasons I am thankful and I send them all a small gift, before I start cooking for Thanksgiving or shopping for Christmas.

Why? Because I like to remember what really matters to me, right before the holiday rush competes to short circuit my soul.

So, who is on my Thanksgiving list this year?

-Bethesda Health Clinic. Serving the working, uninsured of Smith County, this group brings together volunteers from all walks of life, including hundreds of doctors, dentists, and nurses. Bethesda also unites churches of all denominations to provide affordable, top-notch health care and they do it all without one penny from our government. Pretty impressive. 409 W. Ferguson, Tyler TX, 903.596.8353.

-Bullard Education Foundation. With our government dictating how we have to spend our own tax dollars, local foundations put local control back in the hands of community leaders whose heart beat is the education of our own kiddoes. PO Box 928, Bullard, TX 75757, 903.894.6639.

-Discovery Science Place. East Texas children can grow up running through the bat cave and vibrating on the earthquake without ever realizing that it was a form of education. 308 N. Broadway, Tyler TX 75702, 903.533.8011.

-East Texas Rescue Mission of Tyler. Being a journalist takes me into new territory every day, but this year the thing that touched my heart most was to learn how many people we have sleeping on the streets in East Texas. I like this group’s approach because they make a long term commitment to those willing to take personal responsibility and apply spiritual solutions. 1023 N Glenwood Blvd, Tyler, TX 75702-5058, 903.592.9400.

-Pine Cove Christian Camps. I love the way Pine Cove ministers to families and kiddoes, soldiers’ families, young and old people, near and far, the privileged and the underprivileged. But my favorite thing is the way they train young men to be servant leaders. PO Box 9055, Tyler TX 75711, 903.561.0231.

Is East Texas unique in the way people are so committed to helping others? Or maybe its just part of a bigger American way of thinking that is built into our heritage and identity. Who knows?

All I know is I am thankful.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Simplifying Work-related Stress

I have this theory that most work-related stress is simply people-related stress.

People can be downright stressful. Melodramatic.

So, what are some things that can be done to turn around the stressful situations, those work-related mini soap operas?

-Laugh. Look for people who know how to laugh. Make it a deliberate goal to sit at the “most fun” table at any seminar or event. Life is short.

-Focus on fun. Does 5 hours feel like 5 minutes on certain tasks? Do you look up and say, “Where did the time go?!” Say yes to more of those.

-Say No. Everyone has to do things they don’t enjoy along the way. That’s why it’s called work and that’s why we get paid. But minimize those tasks and set boundaries around them.

-Confide. Vent, but only with friends who are trustworthy and NOT co-workers. Don’t poison someone else’s well. Instead, look for mature folks who tend to end a debriefing with this kind of message, “I hear what you are saying, but I am guessing that you just needed to vent. You guys are probably a perfect team, bringing a balance to each other.”

-Repeat the Positive. Never repeat anything that is negative.

-Affirm. Affirmation tends to be contagious and everyone needs a pat on the back now and then.

-Delegate, Initiate, and Appreciate. If you are a creative ding-bat, sit next to the most organized, thorough person at the meeting. Or if you’re the intense, alpha type, sit next to the person who will be the most laid back. You’ll probably get on each other’s last nerve at first, but I guarantee that if you let the person know you appreciate the way they are wired, soon you’ll have a cordial, mutually productive relationship.

-Meet New People. New people are one way to enrich your life and stimulate your brain. Listening to other perspectives is a great way to learn something new.

-Learn New Things. Always take the opportunity to get training in areas you enjoy. Unfamiliar territory can be intimidating, but once you conquer a new skill, you’ll feel terrific and oh-so-smart.

-Reward others. Remember to thank the people in your life, at work and at home, that make your day better. Do not withhold honor from whom it is due.

Finally, reward yourself, too. Remember to take stock in what you value and commit to that. Reward yourself by making time for the people you love.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Ur Bst Golf

Golf is the only sport I know of where talented, athletic types brag about how bad their game is. For this reason, bookish, klutzy folks like me are totally endeared to the game; a sport that tends to convert perfectly normal people to instant looniness almost immediately.
I don’t usually do book reviews in this column, but today I’m going to make an exception for Ur Bst Golf, local author Ken Dance’s new book.
Don’t let the easy-to-read, informal tone, or the pocket size fool you. It is packed with helpful tips, humor, and wisdom, making it fun and informative at the same time. And it’s soooo local; here’s a sample:
“Sometimes the mere mention of a certain hole on a certain course can cause our palms to sweat. I know number nine at Hollytree in Tyler, Texas has ruined many a round for many golfers.” He goes on to explain that, instead of thinking yourself into a bad game, “The goal of confidence is to intentionally transform a positive thought into a present reality.”
He includes practical hints for winning the game of acquiring confidence in golf- and in life.
Ken dissects the elements of golf in a way that even newbies to the sport can understand.
In his section subtitled “Precision: a Combination of Distance and Direction,” Ken emphasizes that they are interdependent.
“I once played with a guy who achieved a world record for distance traveled. The first hole on the course was parallel to a very busy street in Dallas. When he hooked his drive, the ball took two bounces on the street and landed inside the raised door of a moving van just as it passed by. I’m not sure where that ball eventually went, but I know it went further than any ball I’ve ever hit. Distance isn’t everything.”
Ur Bst Golf is the perfect stocking stuffer. Or, because it is so local and personal, it is a great gift to send to friends in other places when we brag about how wonderful Texas is. (I can’t be the only person sending obnoxiously Texas stuff to all my friends, right?) Contact Ken at kendance@suddenlink.net or go to Amazon.com or BARNESandNOBLE.com.
Ken wouldn’t want me to write about his book without mentioning that the Chick-Fil-A Bethesda Golf Classic is coming up Oct 2 at Oakhurst. He often plays this tournament with his grandkids; it’s a friendly, relaxed opportunity to include newly addicted golf fans, young or old.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

You Only Keep What You Give Away

You only keep what you give away.
I was reminded of this principle again recently when I experienced the computer glitch of a writer’s worst nightmares and all my files were lost.
Bummer.
So now I am searching my gmail files for attachments and discovering that I’m glad I always share my stuff.
This week’s events reminded me of an experience that happened right after my son was born almost thirteen years ago.
My friend showed up one day with a one-of-a-kind baby gift.
Imagine my surprise when I opened the package and discovered that she had given me two tiny items from the store of things she was saving for her own grandchildren someday.
It was one of my all time favorite gifts because I understood that she was giving me something very personal, a gift of herself; a “Baby’s First Christmas” bib and an antique plaque with a dimpled cherub from the wall of the nursery her own sons had out-grown. I hung the plaque next to William’s crib and, being a Christmas baby himself, he spit up on the bib immediately.
Within months after Christmas, I received a call from a mutual friend one morning.
“Cathy, there was a fire at Joyce’s house last night. Everyone is safe.”
The scene was surreal. Her two-story home overlooking the lake, designed by an architect who was a colleague of Frank Lloyd Wright, had been a masterpiece of contemporary architecture. Now it was a charred, blackened slab.
The insurance company made an initial payment immediately and within days Joyce’s family was settled in a rent house with a convenient storage barn out back.
Where there had been family heirloom furniture, now there were practical, simple pieces like desks for the boys from Walmart.
She explained to me that the process was actually freeing somehow.
Fortunately, over the years, she had given copies of all family portraits to family members, so her pictures were already coming home.
Then we went to the barn where there was a row of plastic tubs holding the few indestructible items they had managed to salvage. We spent the day scrubbing thick, black goo off of china and the few pieces of silver that didn’t melt.
And I returned her bib and her plaque.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Self-Segregation

It’s a strange, but folks in East Texas tend to be self-segregating.
If anybody can explain this phenomenon, I sure wish you’d write in and educate me. I don’t get it.
I was reminded of how hard it is to break old patterns last year when I pulled up to drop off my son on the first day of middle school.
“It’s a third, a third, a third,” was the answer when we asked about the demographics of the school. In other words, the school is pretty nearly equally populated with white kids, black kids, and Latino kids.
Heck, I don’t even know the politically correct way to describe the groups. Caucasian? African American? Hispanic? Whatever.
Personally, just cus a person’s skin is pigment-challenged does not mean they relate to some region in Eastern Europe. I generally describe my ethniticity as Texan and leave it at that. I even write Texan in the box marked “other.”
Anyway, this mix of demographics seemed like one of the advantages to us in choosing a school for our son. Since he is a people person, we saw the advantage to him of learning to be comfortable with folks from all backgrounds with varying perspectives.
But on the first day of school, there it was plain as day. Yep, we’re in East Texas all right.
“See how the kids divide themselves into groups. The white kids are over there. The black kids are over there. And the Latino kids are in the middle,” I pointed out the obvious to my son as we pulled up in front of the school.
I really hated to call attention to the fact. I felt a piece of his childhood would be over forever when he recognized that there were self-imposed differences. It would complicate friendships that in elementary school had been unpolluted by race issues.
On the other hand, I couldn’t see any advantage in pretending that the lines don’t still exist. Within days, he would get the picture clearly from kids who would try to keep him on his side of the divide.
“Your job this year is to cross-pollinate as many friendships as you can. Seek out friends from each group, please, and honor your friends to each other.”
And than I added the phrase I send him off with every school day.
“Oh yeah, don’t forget, you’re the best young man in the whole world.”
So, okay, maybe I’m a little prejudiced on that particular point, but, hey, I’m a mom.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Pledge to the Moms of Girls

Here’s my pledge to girls’ moms: “I promise to teach my son that breaking your daughter’s heart is a big no-no.”
Having raised two girls I have some pretty strong feelings on the subject.
So does my husband and all his friends with daughters. Their ideas usually involve starting to polish their guns on the day that first baby daughter was born.
“Well, how do you expect them to find a husband if they don’t date?” asked countless parents surprised when they learned that we didn’t see the point of dating.
“How does dating a thousand Mr. Wrongs get them any closer to Mr. Right?” I always asked, but apparently that is a trick question because no one ever bothered answering.
Now the shoe is on the other foot, and I am trying hard to teach my son to be faithful to a wife he doesn’t know yet.
Apparently, I’m not the only mom that has noticed that girls can be aggressive, even in middle school.
If you have a daughter that age, she may be interested in what moms like me are telling our sons:
-Yes, son, many of the girls are annoying because they are so boy-crazy. Please be kind to them as you ignore them.
-When a girl hangs around and acts silly, please say something clear, but gentle like, “I am hanging out with the guys. Please find some girls to talk to.”
-Girls act boy-crazy because they are needy. They are needy because they are not getting enough attention at home.
-Yes, I know that girls dress in new and creative ways, calling attention to the fact that they are female. Hmm…let’s hope their parents aren’t aware of that particular outfit because that would mean that they don’t care about her enough to say no.
-No matter what happens, you are responsible not only for your actions but also for your thoughts. Girls make the decisions they make. You are the boss of your decisions and thoughts.
-If you choose to honor a girl with your attention, you don’t get to reject her later. So choose your friends carefully.
-It’s silly to date in middle school. In fact, it’s silly to date unless you are prepared to explore the commitment of marriage. Period.
That’s just the beginning. The foundational ideas. The ones I can put into print without embarrassing my son.
And this is only middle school. I hate to think how complicated high school will be.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Cheap and Easy Gal’s Night Out

Personally, hard economic times require more laughter.
Any excuse for a party, right?
Lately, my idea of a relaxing night out is meeting girlfriends for sushi. Unfortunately, sushi drives up a restaurant bill faster than double martinis.
Casual get-togethers at home means cheaper fun, but no sushi, right?
So, imagine my delight when I found a do-it-yourself sushi kit at the grocery store. A plan began to form in the recesses of my mind.
Thus, the Cheap and Easy Gal’s Night Out was born.
If you want to have your own Cheap and Easy Gal’s Night Out, all you need is the following:
-Invitations. Okay, if they are your real friends, who needs invitations? On the other hand, text media is the only way to do justice to the idea “Cheap and Easy Gal’s Night Out.” If you’d like a copy of my invitation, I’ll be happy to email it to you.
-Guest List. Keep it to a few close friends. Then, add a couple of new people to the group. New friends add dimension to our gatherings, and our hearts.
-Menu. Sushi kits sell for less than $3 per person. Add a cucumber, an avocado, a bag of carrots, a bag of frozen shrimp, Diet coke, and fortune cookies to the cart. Pocky, a Chinese sweet treat that is dipped in chocolate, is also a good choice.
-Alcohol. Llano wine is cheap and it’s Texas; two qualities that tend to endear me to any person or product.
-Party Favors. In keeping with the cheap theme, I bought fashion magazines for each guest with a subtitle, “Mega Savings Inside!” Perfection, rolled up and tied with a bow.
-Hostess Gift. Well, as long as we’re being casual, I figure why not stay with the easy theme and tell everyone to bring cash.
“No hostess gifts. Bring $5 and we’ll pick a charity.”
Now, I don’t know about you, but I laugh just imagining how local charities will react when they start receiving small donations marked “Cheap and Easy Gals.” Anonymously, of course.
Why not take a Friday night to sit around and laugh with friends for a few hours? Figure out together how to make do-it-yourself sushi and get it to your mouth with chop-sticks.
I don’t care what the economy does; money can’t buy fun or friendships like that.
Simplicity seems to be the definition of fun at my house, and probably yours, too.
I bet your friends won’t complain about being described as cheap and easy.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:/checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

I Refuse to Be Poor

“I refuse to be poor,” said my friend recently with a big grin.
Don’t ya love it? In the face of all the negative economic talk, she’s made a decision to be rich.
Me, too.
Take, for instance, our dog, Lucy, who does not care if the bills get paid this month as long as there are scary and dangerous squirrels in her yard that she can chase away for the safety of our family.
Okay, it may seem silly, but I love the way Lucy passionately goes about her business in the present moment without any concern for what the folks in Washington or on Wall Street are cooking up.
Besides squirrel-chasing pets, here is the list of wealth we can all enjoy no matter what the economy does.
-Heritage. We are a people who are rich in our ancestors; those good folks who founded a nation on the principle of self-government, based on self-sacrifice and self-discipline. Then, they came to Texas and built a culture out of hard-work and vision.
-Family. We can be rich in family in any economy.
If our kids know that dad and mom are heroes who would starve before letting the kids go hungry, then we are rich indeed.
When our parents have committed themselves to a lifestyle full of dignity and service to others, we inherit a wealth.
-Friends. We are wealthy if we have friends who understand the real priorities in life and remind each other.
-Good Health and Brave Hearts. Folks who are enjoying good health always add this to the list of reasons to be thankful, but I’ve noticed that my friends who are fighting a health battle are the ones who inspire me most. So, give us hearts to be brave in the face of whatever happens. Let us inspire those around us as we face challenges with grace and courage.
-Community Values. Community values are expressed a thousand ways, but one of my favorites is in the hymns that ring out on any given Sunday in hundreds of churches across East Texas. There’s nothing like a good old rousing rendition of Amazing Grace to serve as a reality check.
Does it seem a little Pollyanna to be positive in the face of bad economic news? Maybe. Or maybe the reality isn’t what we see on the television at night.
Maybe, just maybe, the reality is the wealth we enjoy in the loving relationships we create as we struggle and succeed together in tough times.
Just like my friend, I refuse to be poor, even if our bank account fluctuates with the rest of the world’s economy.
My best wishes to you, dear neighbors, for your continued success in the face of uncertain times. May you be rich in all the ways that matter.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:/checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

All My Friends Are Movie Stars

All my friends are movie stars. I’m not sure when this trend began, several years ago I think, but its in full force now.
There’s the nice young man at the bank who remembers all my account numbers for me and is something of a financial guru, Jeremy Irons.
And there’s the funeral home director, Jimmy Stewart, who I invariably introduce to someone else about once a month, as I attend the funerals of all the people who used to seem like old folks to me.
There’s the publisher at the paper who I have asked for as Calvin Klein. You can imagine the blank stares this produced.
Can you imagine how surprised my kids were to learn that my first date in high school was with Jerry Falwell?
Of course, there’s my old high school buddy, Lorne Greene.
“Do you think he noticed that I called him Lorne Greene?” I asked my husband after I introduced them at a little league game a few years ago.
“Maybe his hearing isn’t what it used to be,” answered my husband.
One can only hope.
“Who is Lorne Greene?” asked a young friend recently when I was explaining my movie star problem.
Okay, if you’re under forty, and you actually read my column, which is doubtful unless you are my children, in which case you read faithfully to see what I’m writing about you publically this week, Lorne Greene is the dad on Bonanza. My kids already know this because one of them has a thing about Bonanza and the rest of us have suffered through re-runs for approximately ten of his twelve years of life.
Lorne Greene passed away in 1987. This could be awkward if I have to introduce him to anybody else besides my husband.
I don’t know who attended Lorne’s funeral, but I assume it was a bunch of movie stars. I wasn’t invited.
Speaking of funerals, have you noticed that the obituary pictures just got a lot bigger in one of our regional newspapers?
Personally, I think this is a great marketing idea. Obviously, there are some of us who turn to the obits first every morning. Sad, but true.
Now, I can see those bigger pictures without my reading glasses. This is a great mercy because I can’t always remember where my glasses are.
I suspect my friend, Cindy Crawford, who helps me with the housekeeping, is hiding them from me.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:/checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.

Veloute Soup

My friend, Margarite Strout, whose kitchen always blends the aromas of her family background including French, Swiss, North and South American (Uraguay), is genetically and culturally predisposed to be one of the best cooks I know. Veloute is French for velvety.

Veloute Soupe

3 quarts water
4 chicken thighs, with bones and skin
½ tsp garlic powder (not garlic salt)
1 tsp crushed oregano
2 large potatoes, peeled and cubed
4 large carrots, peeled and quartered
Salt and pepper to taste
½ tsp. cumin

In a large pot, boil the chicken thighs for about 45 minutes with the spices until the chicken is falling apart. Scoop out the chicken and set it aside. Add the veggies and boil until tender. While they cook, separate the chicken meat from the bones and skin. Dice the meat and throw away the rest.
With a hand-held blender, puree the veggies in the pot until it looks velvety. Add the diced chicken meat back in. Salt and pepper to taste. Add cumin.

Served in mugs by a roaring fire, this is a nutritious, wintery treat for a cold day. For fancy occasions, Margarite swirls in a spoonful of cream and garnishes with oregano or parsley. Either way, it is sure to make your kitchen smell like hers; a cross-cultural experience.

Mirror, Mirror, Leaning Against the Wall

I accidentally discovered the easiest solution ever for my weight problem.
If only I could market it, I’d be rich.
It happened when it dawned on me that, once my daughter moved back home to work, I would not be able to use her room as my office/personal huge closet. As I was removing all my collection of stuff, I realized that the longest mirror in the house was fixing to be off limits to me sometimes.
So I did what all sensible mothers would do under the circumstances.
I moved the mirror to my room and leaned it against the wall.
And, like Galilee and Thomas Edison and countless inventors before me, I had my own eureka moment when I accidentally looked in the mirror.
Things may appear skinnier than they are.
Apparently, when you look at a person at a certain angle, mostly as if you are looking up, they look really trim and tall. It was a new experience for me. Not unlike the trick mirrors at the county fair each year.
We possess another mirror that I have always claimed had similar secret powers. Now I suspect that this other mirror, too, has some kind of design flaw.
You might be a candidate for my leaning mirror trick...
- if you tell your girlfriends that girdles, not diamonds, are a girl’s best friend. And, yes, like me, you are getting old if you call them girdles, not bodyshapers or spanx.
-if you have strong opinion about the florescent lighting in retail dressing rooms ending with the phrase “I don’t see why we can’t have candle-light!”
-if you grab a pen and paper when your friend tells you her favorite recipe for her juicer.
-if you count the calories in chocolate as medicinal. Okay, maybe that has nothing to do with weight; that may be a female thing.
-you are pretty sure that a good belly laugh burns calories.
-you write columns about mirrors and you actually think someone else might care.
I call my new leaning mirror trick, “The Skinny Angle Principle.” I want credit for discovering it. I’m claiming that it is even more practical than, say, the law of gravity or Newton’s Law.
There are obviously some other easy ways to put the Skinny Angle Principle to work for us.
We can simply make it a habit to stand on stairs. We can bring stools with us to every social function. We can exclusively hang out with six-year-olds and similarly short people.
As a short person myself, I am also working on a corresponding theory: Tall people may not be as skinny as they appear. I find that comforting somehow.
The other good thing about this new discovery is that it gives me the perfect excuse not to bother with actually installing the mirror. It’s not like hanging a mirror will burn that many calories anyway, right?
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmasil.com.

Goals for 21 Year-Olds

“Do you think good kids are hereditary?” asked my friend as we walked along in my neighborhood. She was experiencing a rough patch with one of her kids and she was wondering why my children seemed so easy.
I laughed.
“I can’t wait to tell my parents you asked me that question!”
I was not only naughty as a youngster, but oh-so creative with my mischief. So, I don’t know, maybe that gave me an edge when it came to being hard to trick as a parent.
The more people get to know me, the more surprised they are that our kiddoes have turned out so well. How is it that an incredibly dysfunctional mom like me has such well-rounded, mature, respectful children?
Good question.
Anyway, I think setting goals helped focus my parenting.
Before your kids have finished high school and are attending college or working in their first real job, they should be able to:
-Successfully initiate relationships with and interact with people of all backgrounds and ages.
-Discern unhealthy friendships or motives in others and in themselves.
-Ask thoughtful, probing questions in order to respectfully understand other people’s perspective.
-Have a “Savings Account” of stored knowledge to draw on when handling Life’s big issues.
-Have a personal faith that continues to ask questions and sort information.
-Intentionally turn to wise people for advice.
-Speak and write clearly.
-Make clear, modern analogies in order to communicate about deeply held beliefs.
-Set personal goals based on the ambitions they have chosen for their life.
-Prioritize according to their life ambitions and current goals.
-Relax and enjoy the process of living, based on their priorities.
-Be grateful for life’s blessings and be able to express thankfulness.
-Recognize true authority and respect those who have it.
-Practice servant leadership, exercising authority by inspiring others.
-Recognize that they have intrinsic value and that they are loved unconditionally.
I saved the best for last. If you have time to do only one thing on this list before your child leaves home, make your focus unconditional love, even if that means tough love.
I make goals for myself, not just my kids.
It’s a good thing, too, because by age 21 kids have reached a point where the only goals that count are the ones they make for themselves.
Now, one of the goals on my personal list is to butt-out and let the grown kids live the lives they choose.
By the way, when I mentioned the question of hereditarily good kids to my parents, they just laughed.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http:checklistcharlie.blogspot.com or cathykrafve@gmail.com.