Houston Re-visited

No matter what others may say, Houston has become a mighty romantic place to hang out, if you like art and ethnic food.
Check in and stay for a long romantic weekend at the Hotel ZaZa, smack dab in the center of the Museum District and only a few blocks from all things medical in Houston. Newly renovated, I recommend shopping online for one of the ZaZa’s spacious suites overlooking their sparkling Mediterranean-inspired swimming pool. Check for deals on any ZaSpa packages.
Besides the obvious, like Houston’s Museum of Fine Arts directly across the street from the ZaZa, this international city also has an often-overlooked sampling of art created and collected with a spiritual perspective.
For instance, there’s the Byzantine Fresco Chapel, which was created to rescue a set of stolen and ransomed frescoes. By 1992, the city of Houston and the Menil Foundation had teamed up to become the stewards of the frescoes, which forever belong to the Church of Cyprus. The church is reclaiming them, so they will be going home soon.
Don’t miss the Rothko Chapel, an internationally known draw, with its focus on human rights. If you are traveling with traditionalists, prepare them for the minimalist flavor of the chapel, so they can experience quiet with a meditative heart.
“It has become a pilgrimage for thousands of visitors who are drawn by its importance both as an artistic masterpiece and as a gathering place for people of all religious beliefs,” according to Rothko literature.
I recommend a visit to the Annunciation Greek Orthodox Cathedral, only a few blocks from Hotel ZaZa and the Rothko Chapel. If you are there on a Sunday, visitors are welcome to join worship. On other days of the week, priests are gracious and hospitable about informing respectful visitors about the significance of icons in Greek Orthodox tradition.
If you are a bibliophile, stop by the book store while you are at the church for a thorough selection of all things related to icons and icon painting, along with great choices in Greek heritage and the history of Greek immigration to America.
As long as Greek is on the art tour, why not take in cultural cuisine, too?
Choosing one or two items off the extensive menu at Byzantio Café and Bar is impossible. So, meet friends and order a huge spread to try it all.
Every bite is delicious, from the lamb souvlaki to the hummus to the gyros, and especially the tzatziki sauce.
With neighbors and regulars laughing and greeting each other across the restaurant, Byzantio feels like a great big Greek American family reunion.
And since you are having an art holiday, don’t miss the photography on the walls. Personal and expressive, we especially enjoyed the depictions of the local belly dancers who perform at the restaurant every Thursday night.
Belly dancing; a perfect excuse to start a romantic weekend in Houston early.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Motivating your employees, not babysitting them, Part 3

Hasn’t entitlement overtaken our national conscience?
Somebody owes me something all the time now, it would seem.
My grandparents would roll over in their graves if they heard the attitude commonly purveyed in our culture now. Modest folks with not a penny to spare, my grandparents worked hard. Never would they have demanded an education or health care. I bet yours were the same way.
It simply never entered their minds to demand anything.
If they wanted something, they worked for it.
Expecting someone else to pay for stuff, even with tax dollars, would have seemed like thievery to them.
So what motivated that generation and how can we motivate those around us?
Folks are basically motivated by four things – stuff, security, significance, and, finally the biggie, a vision combined with a solid relationship with the one in authority. If you missed the first part of this three-part series, you can find it on this paper’s website.
Business owners simply cannot afford to “babysit” their employees; that is, they cannot treat employees like dependant children.
Everyone I know who is employed right now is getting paid one salary to do the job of two people. We are living in an economy when folks are being forced to grow up and behave like hard-working adults.
Simply put, a business owner does his employees a favor when he manages his business well, finding the right balance between providing customer services and keeping expenses down.
In the work place, training your employees to take ownership of your business is a crucial part of success.
Because of the shifting employment picture, it is crucial to offer your employees opportunities to acquire skills while they are gainfully employed by you. That does not have to involve expensive classes. It can be as simple as cross-training employees so they can cover for each other.
One bonus to cross training is that team unity happens when people appreciate each other’s skills.
Did our grandparents miss the privileges we take for granted, like education and health care? Did not having stuff make our grandparents bitter?
No, it made them resourceful and grateful. Working hard gave them confidence. It made them generous.
Some of us are old enough to remember those days.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Thanksgiving and the Delightful Dozen

We all give thanks by giving back.
In November, I always celebrate my birthday - 53 total so far – with a series of small checks in honor of folks who make East Texas so fabulous.
I just wish I had more money. I started posting the lists when I started writing this column to make your “shopping” easier as Christmas approaches.
This year, with all the talk of recession, I am focusing on faith-based ministries that address physical or emotional needs. I am also highlighting some organizations that are economically sensible choices because they make East Texas an appealing place to live or visit.
1) Christus Mission Clinic, 307 Cain Street, Bullard TX 75757 903-894-0109.
2) Bethesda Health Clinic, 409 W. Ferguson, Tyler TX, 903-596-8353 or www.bethesdaclinic.org.
3) CARE, Christ-centered Abortion Recovery of East Texas, www.careabortionrecovery.com.
4) Meals on Wheals Ministry Inc, 3001 Robertson Road, Tyler TX 75701, 800-451-2912 or 903-593-7385 or www.mealsonwheelseasttexas.org.
5) Project HEAT, Healthy Action Eating Team, devoted to impacting American health by changing the way the next generation and their families eat, PO Box 1278, Chandler TX 75758 or www.projectheatonline.org.
6) Pine Cove Christian Camps, PO Box 9055, Tyler TX 75711, 903-561-0231 or www.pinecove.com.
7) Boys and Girls Club of East Texas, 504 W. 32nd St, Tyler TX 75702, 903.593.9211 or Lauren@bgcet.org.
8) Literacy Council of Tyler, PO Box 6662, Tyler TX 75711, 903.533.0330 or go to www.lcotyler.org.
9) Living Alternatives, PO Box 131466, Tyler TX 75713, 903.882.0182 or www.livingalternatives.org.
10) The Women’s Symphony League of Tyler, 107 E. Erwin, Tyler, TX 75702, 903.596.9154 or www.wsltyler.org.
11) American Freedom Museum, AMF Development, 1051 N. Houston St, Bullard TX 75757 or www.americanfreedommuseum.org.
12) East Texas Hall of Fame Museum and Cultural Arts Complex, in the early planning stages, via The Arts & Humanities Council of East Texas. Call 903.216.3671 or go to www.artscouncilet.org
I wanted to give you a sentence about why I love each of the above, but I ran out of column inches. So, please go to their websites or better yet, volunteer.
Picking only a dozen non-profits in East Texas is nearly impossible. If your favorite was not on my list this year, just send me their address and why you love ‘em. I would love an excuse to get your best-loved nonprofit in before the first of the year, too.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at http://checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Empty Suitcases

We only keep what we give away.
When a young mom gave birth to her first son, she received lots of presents from friends who knew she didn’t have anything for a boy.
One gift stood out, though. Rather than buy a gift, this friend, the mother of two older boys, went to her own sentimental box and gift-wrapped a Baby’s First Christmas bib and a beautiful piece of art from her own nursery.
A few months later, at the crack of dawn, the young mother received a phone call. The friend’s house had burned down in the night.
In the days that followed, it became clear that the only mementos her friend would be able to retrieve, like pictures of her children, were going to be the ones she had given away to grandparents and friends, including a bib and a piece of art from her own nursery.
I know this is a true story because my friend gave me the bib and the art when my son was born.
Recently, a lady told me a story about her husband, which illustrates the truth about hilarious giving.
This family makes regular trips to a beloved third world country, but on their first trip, they were overwhelmed by all the physical needs that go unmet daily in that place.
As they were packing to return home that first time, her husband suddenly flipped over his suitcase and dumped all the contents on the bed.
“We are giving this all away,” he announced with excitement.
Knowing how Americans travel, I can easily imagine a suitcase stuffed with blue jeans, t-shirts, button-downs, and several pairs of shoes, all things of extreme value in a country where people often go hungry and barefoot.
Having made many friends in the weeks they were there, they immediately found folks who received the goods joyously.
“Who wants this shirt? Who needs flip flops?”
Imagine the excitement as they tossed each item across a room crowded with folks who had gathered to see them off.
Her husband left with empty suitcases, but I bet his heart was full.
And imagine how he blessed his own wife and kiddoes.
We only keep what we give away.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Motivating Your Employees (Trustworthy Leadership), Part 2

Motivating your employees can be tough in a suppressed economy, especially when fear is the key economic ingredient from the purveyors of the national news.
So, how do you encourage confidence in your employees, rather than fear?
Folks are basically motivated by four things – stuff, security, significance, and, finally the biggie, a vision combined with a solid relationship with the one in authority. If you missed the first part of this three-part series, you can find it on this paper’s website.
The first three motivators are important and can make a good boss even more effective.
However, a terrific boss creates a vision and secures the trust of his employees.
How?
Creating a vision is simple. Figure out how you are serving your customers. Now put that into one sentence.
In a free market, if you serve people, success will follow. If your employees understand that they are offering something that is worthwhile, they will feel like their days at work are valuable.
Having a solid relationship with your employees can be a little more challenging.
One man I know told me that if people did not treat him right, he would teach them to respect him by force.
He had respect and fear confused.
You earn people’s trust, not by scaring them to death, by being trustworthy.
You earn their respect by being trustworthy for a long period of time.
So, how does trustworthy look?
The trustworthy person does what is hard and sacrificial.
The trustworthy person puts other people’s interests ahead of his own.
He tells the truth. If he doesn’t know how his business will survive in these uncertain times, he keeps his employees posted so they can make wise decisions.
He leads in giving them opportunities to help each other by setting an example when life throws out a curve ball like cancer or family crises.
He doesn’t treat them like dependant children, instead he rejoices at the opportunities they have to gain skills and knowledge.
Most importantly, his employees know that there are certain lines he won’t cross.
Leadership just means creating opportunities for employees to follow their heart.
Serving others, both customers and employees, is the hallmark of successful business owners.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com

The Television Set

Who uses the phrase “television set” anymore?
“Do you know what a television set is,” I asked my twenty-something daughter as I paused my typing in midsentence.
If you know what a television set is, you are probably an old person like me.
I am picturing a set of televisions, like a set of flatware.
Oh yeah, young people may not know what flatware is either.
So why did my family always say television set?
Was it because in the old days the television came with a set of speakers?
Nah. I remember our first television set. It was not that fancy.
A small 12-inch screen, encased in a sturdy cream-colored plastic box with rounded corners, it was the height of space-aged technology to us.
We were amazed it had pictures, albeit black and white ones.
“How did they get into the box all the way from Hollywood?” we asked my dad.
Dad proceeded to explain something I still to this day don’t get: air waves.
In the 60s, the first TVs all came with their own little spindly-legged stand made of chromed metal and some antennae-like things that were attached with wires. And covered with aluminum foil. The stand was necessary because the television set needed to be high enough to be seen.
Maybe having a stand and bunny ears made it a set.
Maybe it was a set because it just “set thar.”
Okay, it didn’t just sit there; the screen was so small we had to wheel it in close enough to actually see it. That was in the days before remote controls were invented, so close was convenient for kids squatting on the floor in front of the television set.
Finally, mom and dad purchased the ultimate luxury item, a television set big enough to be seen across the room and ensconced in a luxurious maple-like piece of furniture.
In living color, no less.
My grandparents got a color television set before we did and so we were already aware that Lawrence Welk was just as boring in color as in black and white.
Naturally, at our house we immediately switched the channel, without the help of a remote control, to The Rifleman and Bonanza for action-packed western adventure.
Ahh, the 60s, the age of fabulous television, free of the self-consciousness of any reality programming at all.
By the way for any youngsters out there, flatware is the same thing as “silverware,” which is probably not sterling, but merely looks silvery.
You know, your knife, fork and spoon. I am not sure if plasticware qualifies. In fact, I’m not sure it was invented when I was a kid.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Premarital Sex? Not really.

There is no such thing as premarital sex.
“How does God define marriage?” asked a wise friend one day.
I never would have thought of asking such a thing. I was too busy accepting the status quo.
“Isn’t it somewhere in the Old Testament?” I asked, even though I couldn’t think of a place. “Leviticus maybe?”
I figure if I don’t remember it, it’s probably in Leviticus.
Think of how important the answer to that question is.
For instance, if we got our doctrine straight on this issue, the issue of same sex marriage would not have ever come up in American politics.
Oh sure, folks who think of themselves as gay would still need legal protection from rude people.
But, marriage is not defined by a legal document. The state actually has very little authority in this arena.
In fact, the laws in place are only necessary because humans tend to be exceptionally rude to each other, including sometime being exceptionally rude to the people they love.
The church has no authority over the arena of marriage either, although most Christians wouldn’t dream of having a wedding without a preacher.
So who defines marriage and when does it take place?
Can you think of a place in the Old Testament where the Bible offers us a format for wedding ceremonies?
What about a place anywhere in the New Testament where the government’s legal responsibilities are described.
I’m just saying.
So, what did my friend say when I guessed Leviticus?
“Cathy, think about it. What did Jesus say about marriage?” This friend is always the epitome of patience and compassion for me in my ignorance.
“The two shall become one flesh?” I guessed again.
Bingo!
Okay, then I had to think about it a whole year before I admitted that she was correct.
Some things are just too obvious to be true, right?
By the way, there is no such thing as premarital sex.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Surviving Your Siblings

I have an awesome younger sister and brother.
You could have seen the beginnings of who my siblings are now, if you had known us way back when we were kids.
Among other things, my brother is energetic, tender, and funny.
My sister is loyal, attentive, and thoughtful. We always say she fills up a room with her laughter.
We were also very creative children, so my poor mom had a hard time staying ahead of our mischief. Especially me.
Basically, I thought as the oldest it was my job to totally subjugate the other younger two.
No matter how many bad habits you have left over from your childhood, there are there are some easy things you can do to repair the damage as adults.
Number one; understand that God designed the family of our youth as a training ground for leadership.
Good leaders know that women need to be valued by having appreciation expressed for them. Men need to be valued by being treated respectfully. Understanding that your siblings need to be valued can go along way to repairing the damage.
Number two; recognize that your siblings were designed for God’s purpose in their adult lives. The traits that annoyed you when you were all immature were put there for a purpose. Making a list of all the things that annoyed you as a child may help you recognize how great those traits are in adults.
Number three; remember to parent your own kids, but not theirs.
Since we were the first to have kids in our generation of our family, we got plenty of inexperienced, unwanted advice. We learned to respect God’s leadership and to trust our siblings to make wise decisions when their kiddoes came along. We try to offer encouragement only.
Cain is the poster child for destructive sibling rivalry, isn’t he?
“That’s not fair!” he shouted, like an immature brat, when God explained the consequences for killing his brother.
The guy kills his brother and he has the nerve to tell God that the consequences are not fair. What a problem child!
I can imagine God thinking, I designed that kid with boldness and look how he talks back to Me.
Just like Abel couldn’t fix Cain, as adults sometimes we can’t fix our relationships with our siblings.
Murder is not cool.
Sometimes surviving is enough.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Effectively Motivating Your Employees

Basically, people are motivated by four things, reward, comfort, affirmation, and finally, most effectively, by commitment to a greater goal, combined with a solid relationship to the one in authority.
Coaches, especially good ones, naturally motivate using these techniques on the court and field. Unfortunately, some bosses didn’t get the memo.
Panic mode is especially tempting during a recession. The panicky boss is going to rely on fear as a primary source of adrenalin. Usually threatening scenarios include eminent deadlines, declining revenue, job cutbacks.
Scary stuff and pretty motivating in the moment. But those kind of panic-ridden pep talks from the boss usually only motivate a staff to polish their resumes and surf website job listings.
So, how to move from fear-based incentives to visionary leadership?
Start by recognizing that each individual on your staff only has four basic motives. Next, identify what motivates each individual.
As humans we all crave the first three: reward, comfort, and affirmation.
The Bible describes them as “the lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh, and the boastful pride of life.” Forget the sermons you’ve heard about how naughty those things are and just think of them as part of our natural design; God’s design of humans.
Lust of the Eye is simply the desire for the stuff we can see and measure, like a nice home for our family, reliable transportation, a good education.
Wanting your neighbor’s wife is NOT what Lust of the Flesh is about, although she might seem enticing for a split second right before he shoots you. Lust of the Flesh is actually the stuff we need on a physical and emotional level; things that make us feel safe and comfortable. Things like food, clothing, and loved ones in our life are highly motivating.
Finally, the Boastful Pride of Life is simply respect. Men in particular have a need to feel that they are respected by the people who matter to them, especially their boss. Women need to feel affirmed and appreciated. Notably, there is a slight, but significant difference between respect and affirmation.
The real measure of a good boss is moving past the basic human motivators to becoming a visionary leader who motivates on that fourth level, beyond emotional to the spiritual level.
Jesus demonstrated an understanding of all four in Matthew 4:1-11 when His enemy tempted Him in the desert.
Of course, He was ultimately motivated by a vision of the future and a solid relationship with the One over Him in authority.
Now that’s powerful, spiritual motivation.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

A Texan In Paris

“Remember: English is the language of domination,” shouted our tour guide.
Then, demonstrating a football stiff arm, he explained our strategy for getting safely past aggressive city taxicabs.
“Dominate!”
In a group that represented the US, Canada, England, and Australia, we were fitted for bikes. The shiny red bikes had names like Cupcake and the blue ones had manly names like Road Runner. And Road Kill.
“That guys is from Texas and I bet 10 Euros, he is Pine Cove trained,” I whispered to my daughters as our Fat Tire Tour in Paris began.
What are the odds? My daughters didn’t believe me.
“I’m tellin’ ya, I bet he’s from Fredericksburg,” I insisted.
Paris is a cosmopolitan city, a place where people from everywhere come to bask in the richness of some of the best art collections in the world.
It is also the capital of a country that designates a whole government agency to preserving the French language from English intrusions.
Not an easy task in an age of “Le Ipad.”
My oldest daughter pedaled up front and began small talk.
Turns out I was wrong about one thing.
The guy was from San Antonio.
His camp name was Opa; Andrew is his real name.
You might be wondering how I recognized the Pine Cove influence, but only if you have never met a Pine Cove Christian Camps counselor.
Maybe it was the way he knew how to make it fun for everyone else.
Maybe it was the attentive way he made his customers feel like friends.
Pine Cove has this way of turning men into servant leaders.
I hate to admit this, but Texas A&M didn’t hurt him any either. When we met, Andrew was finishing up a stint with Fat Tire Tours, then beginning a career in California doing something fancy. I can’t remember what exactly.
One thing I know, with a servant’s heart and a ton of confidence, Andrew is sure to be successful.
Maybe domination isn’t the first word that comes to mind when you think about successful servant leaders or international detent.
But when it comes to competing in a global market, having an attitude and a skill set that stands out - because it is based in faith, not fear - is exactly what we want for our kiddoes. Andrew was easy to pick out of the crowd.
So I say, “Dominate.”
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Now available: Benefits for the Brave

July is a great month to give some thought to how we honor our returning troops.
In East Texas, one woman stands out for leading the charge when it comes to connecting our returning troops with much-needed resources.
Julianne Sanford started Lone Star Military Resource Group to create a way for returning heroes, veterans, and their families to find the resources that are already out there.
First, combining her 20 years experience as a military wife and Family Readiness Trainer, she collaborated with ACCESS, Anderson Cherokee Community Enrichment Services, to publish a thorough listing of services available to military personnel in Anderson and Cherokee Counties. This listing, called Benefits for the Brave, includes state and federal agencies, along with Texas and US nonprofits and businesses with grants. As far as I know, it is the only listing like it in our state or perhaps the nation.
Benefits for the Brave is a massive accomplishment in and of itself.
However, almost before the ink was dry, she and ACCESS
Chief Administrative Officer Kate Pate decided to host a symposium called “Caring for all who Serve” in Jacksonville as part of a week long series of events which happened just this past May.
The one-day symposium brought together a brain trust of folks in our area who are making a difference in the lives of our heroes.
For example, Lori Thomas and Karl Little from Andrews Center, Tyler, were there. Lori and Karl are quietly connecting vets with services in Smith County, including launching the just opened Green Zone.
The Green Zone is a place where our veterans can find fellow-heroes who understand the challenges they face. Lori and Karl offer have an impressive combined experience and network of people available to help.
With them was JD Collette who is single handedly traveling around East Texas setting up peer groups to support veterans and returning warriors in many ways, but in particular, giving our heroes a safe place to address any PTSD symptoms they may still be dealing with even after years of civilian life. Traveling to a different small town each evening, JD has quietly established peer groups all over East Texas.
Jacksonville’s conference was the largest gathering of service resource folks in our area that I know of so far.
All the experts at the conference that I spoke to agreed that the best progress is made when all Americans step up to show their gratitude. Locally, Welcome Home Soldiers and Patriot Guard came to mind.
With the success of the Jacksonville events, more such opportunities likely to happen throughout our region.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Free Speech Worth Dying For

I love writing about veterans, as you know, if you read my stuff.
I try never to leave an interview without thanking the hero, whether young or old, for serving our country.
So you would think that I would write about amazing and brave military heroes on July 4th.
I could. My column would be the perfect place to do it. Here, I could share anonymously some of the things that people have entrusted to me as we visit about their experiences.
The stories that never make the paper are my favorite part of this job and nowhere are the stories more inspiring than in the quiet moments when soldiers and sailors and airmen share the things they don’t want anyone else to know.
I often tear up as they tell me the experiences they have had; about comrades they have lost, but not forgotten. They often will talk about the sacrifices made by men next to them who didn’t return, but they never want me to print the ongoing sacrifices they make or what it keeps costing their family to allow them to serve.
If there is one thing that stands out about our military heroes to me, though, it is that they believe that some things are worth dying for.
Take for instance, freedom of speech, which is what I devote my July 4th column to every year.
Every year, journalists lose their life for covering stories in regions or countries where tyrants scare people to death, starting with trying to control the media by killing journalists.
Free speech and freedom of the press are two of the many freedoms that veterans and enlisted heroes will tell you are worth defending.
Freedom of speech, supported by an independent, courageous free press, is essential for a self-governing people to be free of tyranny.
Our military heroes understand that.
If we remember why they are willing to die for our country, for the freedom you and I enjoy, we will be willing to make our own sacrifices when necessary.
While they fight abroad, we will be willing to stand up for what is right at home.
We can enjoy the blessings of freedom as we to seek justice in our communities by participating in free, vibrant public discourse without fear of threats or violent, government-sponsored repercussions.
In the moment when our freedom of speech is threatened, we should defend it. In honor of those who paid the price for it.
When you think about it, just like our warriors, valuing freedom has the potential to make heroes out of all of us.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Heroic Mothers

You won’t read about her in history books.
In fact, you almost wouldn’t read about her at all, except for one small thing; her son mentioned her. I was interviewing her son and daughter-in-law about their experiences growing up in segregated East Texas for a series I am doing on African American high schools in our region.
It turns out his mom sowed the seeds of justice in his heart in the 1950s when he was just a young kid.
What she did was simple.
She loaded up a pickup truck with every brave soul she could find who would participate in her well-intentioned misadventure.
She was the mother of eleven children; I admire her courage for that alone.
The pickup was loaded with a cargo of humans who were mostly her offspring and a few close friends who didn’t have the heart to say no to this determined woman. The stakes were high for her, based on who was in the back of that truck.
Their small band of parents and children, not much of an army, stormed the Brownsboro school district’s administration building in broad day light, walked right into the Superintendent’s office, and demanded enrollment with the white students of Brownsboro Independent School District.
David and Goliath. No odds maker in his right mind would take that bet.
In fact, nothing much changed.
Some of her neighbors thought she was crazy for stirring up trouble and they didn’t mind telling her so, but that was about it.
Nothing changed, except for the seeds planted in the hearts of her kids.
She didn’t know she was heroic.
Gertrude Cofer Evans of Moore Station, Texas.
Remember that name.
Not because she would want the attention. Not because you’ll ever see it in a history book.
But because she stood up for what was right.
And she taught her kids do so.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Mom’s Day Made Easy

What to give Mom for Mother’s day?
Oh that’s easy. Here’s a list of favorite gifts, where to get them, and how much they should cost.
For the Best Lotion, along with lots of other reasonably priced, delightful little treats, shop the Tyler Rose Museum’s Gift Shop. My favorite thing about the shop, though, is the lead salesperson Pat Johnson. For under $20, I walked out with Camille Beckman Rosewater Glycerine Hand Therapy, some rose-themed hand napkins, and a fun rose-shaped lip gloss. Shhh, don’t tell my mom.
For Best Chocolates, along with an ever-changing array of clothing and home fashions, I depend on Potpourri House. Locally owned, Les Elsworth keeps a selection of The Sweet Shop chocolates in a special display case and will wrap even one piece, say, champagne truffle, in a gold bag fit for mom. At less than $3 a piece for a bite of pure decadence, why stop at one?
Best Fine Dining? Well, that’s tough because East Texas has so many great choices, but I like Villa Montez for gourmet flavors, atmosphere, and price.
Best Blackened Catfish to be had, without a doubt, is at Edom Bakery, prepared by Chef Jackson York. Tell him I sent you; it’s not on the menu, but it is oh-so-good.
It’s not Mother’s Day without a Best Picnic. Brookshire’s FRESH wins in this category. I recommend bringing a cooler so you can take sushi, followed by Crème Brulee from their French pastry case. When they offer to melt the sugar crust on top, say yes.
The Best Book I’ve read lately is The Collected Stories of Eudora Welty, the author known for her southern perspective. Not your mother’s genre? I recommend Trudy’s Fireside Books, where under the guidance of Trudy’s friend and successor, James Leath, you are sure to get good advice. Plus, most of his books are gently-loved, so you can pick up a great little bargain. Mom will be so proud of you.
The Best Flower is a magnolia blossom, which could be obtained for free in your yard or from a neighbor. Or Sandra Abbiati of A Wishing Well Florist in downtown Bullard recently delivered some of the prettiest tulips I’ve ever seen.
Deliver any item on this list with a hug - or a phone call if she lives far away - and I guarantee she’ll love it.
That’s an easy guarantee because we all know it’s the hug or the phone call she really wants.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Easter gloves and hats

I am old enough to remember when no one went to Easter Sunday service without gloves and a hat.
Say what you want to about the 60s, but the fashion was historic.
There is something so spiritual for a tiny girl about having to keep beautiful white gloves clean.
No easy assignment.
However, as if to compensate for the responsibility of gloves, there was the incentive of the perfect new straw hat, haloed in ribbon and silk flowers, delicious enough to buzz with tiny, felt bumblebees and butterflies made of silk.
Nothing took the stress out of keeping gloves clean like a perfect Easter bonnet.
Over forty years later, I can’t say that I remember a single Easter Sermon.
In the days before air-conditioning, I do remember concentrating to sit perfectly still as the preacher droned on. And I remember the relief of getting to pop up and sing resurrection’s joyful and thankfully loud choruses.
Even kneeling was a relief on hot, spring Sundays because a breeze might catch you as you prayed.
In fact, the sermons were probably a waste on little ears burdened with the dignity of the proper head attire.
On the other hand, bouncing alive to glorious music accompanied by trumpets was probably the perfect metaphor for the resurrection.
Anyway, that’s the way I remember it.
May your Easter celebration include joyful music, trumpets, short sermons, and lots of children in perfect bonnets.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Taxpayer should hold the right people accountable for education

With all the talk about education funding in the Texas legislature, here’s my question: Why should school districts be saddled with accounting for decisions that are simply not theirs to make.
For a close to home example, take Bullard. Last spring, I watched in fascination as Bullard ISD received a lower than expected rating due to drop out rates.
Really? And just who makes the decision to drop out?
In a flurry of accounting and research, the Bullard ISD was able to prove that of the unaccounted for students, some had transferred and some were homeschooling. On appeal, the official rating was raised. Unofficially, everyone in Bullard knew what was obvious; I have interviewed countless people who volunteer that they moved to Bullard for the excellent public schools.
Most the East Texas home educators I know - and I know plenty because I have homeschooled along the way – would view it as an intrusion of their God-given rights to have the public school district come sniffing around.
Imagine how intrusive it would seem, if you had already enrolled your child in another town far away? Weird.
Burdening the school district with the need to track down private citizens and get information from them about personal decisions is just plain silly. It is also an expensive and time-consuming task that distracts from the real responsibility of educating those who show up for class.
Education is the function of the school system. Truancy, juvenile delinquency, and child protection are functions of the justice system.
The truth is, education is a function of the family, but that’s a whole ‘nother column.
As citizens, we owe it to ourselves to get that straight.
One of the symptoms of the entitlement culture we’ve become in America, is the confusion about personal responsibility.
When we let our legislators pass laws that hold the wrong people responsible for actions, like holding districts responsible for the decisions of parents and their children, we are behaving in a very co-dependant way as a culture. As if someone could control the behavior of another individual or be held responsible for decisions they did not make.
Anyway, do we really want our ISDs used in a semi-law-enforcement kind of way, investigating private citizen’s lives?
No wonder students get the idea that they have a right to an education. They think they are entitled because taxpayers are not voting with clarity on this issue.
Make no mistake, though, education is a privilege, not an entitlement.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Living with Autism

Learning about the Autism Spectrum will be a process for me, but one thing has struck me as I listen; the variety and beauty of God’s design for humans is about as vivid, and, yes, as challenging as any human can imagine.
The following was sent in for you because I asked for help finding ways to let people know about living with Autism.
A day in the life of caring for a 25-year-old son with Autism
By Cynthia Matlock
Having an adult son with Autism is challenging and entertaining.
From a distance my son looks like a typical 6’, 220 lb young man about to cross your path until you question his sudden laughter, song, or repeating a phrase over and over again.
Each day requires thinking, predicting, and planning for behavior triggers that may cause a scene, especially when you go out in the public.
One day I drove to my local grocery store and told him to get out of the car.
He said he would stay in the car.
That’s good, I thought. If I hurry I will not have to worry about losing him in the store.
He loves to just walk around or put a bag of “hot fries” in my buggy.
So I went in, picked up a few things, checked out, and headed back to the car quickly.
When I got to the car he was gone. Imagine the panic.
My hope was he stayed in his routine, which is pacing the store or going to the restroom in the store.
“Routine” is important for those who live with Autism Spectrum. Changing their routine can be a major alteration or frustration to their day and your day.
Luckily he can read and goes in the correct facility, the men’s.
Being a lady, I asked the manager to check if my son was in the men’s restroom. The manager walked in the restroom briefly, came out, and informed me that he was still in there.
I waited outside the door about three or four minutes.
My son has an obsession of admiring himself in a mirror and smiling again and again. Impatiently, I cracked the door and shouted for him to hurry!
I then started walking toward the front of the store. Out the corner of my eye I saw the man, not my son, come out the bathroom.
Then, straight ahead I saw that my son was already going out the front door ahead of me to the car. Realizing my mix up, I made my escape quickly, hoping my flushed face didn’t show.
Oh boy, another day in the life of an adult with Autism.
Some days you just shake your head and smile.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Pee in the Cup

The last time I applied for a job a million years ago, no one asked me to pee in a cup.
For those of you who are retired and missed this phenomenon, now days, if you want a job with almost any big company, you have to submit to a drug test.
There was a time many moons ago, when you could look for a job without anyone even once recommending that you head to the potty. In fact, in those ancient days, people considered it poor etiquette to even mention the potty during an interview.
We even had euphemisms in the unlikely event that the subject could not possibly be avoided.
Like powder room. What a lovely concept!
Of course, powder was an extremely feminine luxury and putting powder on your nose was considered a complex and perplexing mystery.
Nothing at all like peeing in a cup. Which is pretty vulgar.
If you ask me, peeing in a cup is an incentive for keeping the job you’ve got.
While I was looking for a job, I applied at some temp agencies. I can write, but apparently I can’t type, so they never called me.
I was relieved. Not in the euphemistic sense.
Young people coming out of college seem to assume that peeing in a cup is just part of the process of landing their first big job. They have such good attitudes about the whole thing.
I try to tell myself that I should emulate their example, change with the times, accept what I cannot change.
And I will, too. Right after I write this column.
My goal is to write something that employers can give to their prospective employees along with all the proper medical forms, to acknowledge that, yes, the new system is really icky.
Imagine how happy I was to learn that peeing in the cup happens at a lab and not at the work place.
Picture yourself handing a cup of pee to your boss and you have the general concept. Try not to think about it.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Publicity vs. Advertising; Know the Difference

“I count on you for advertising,” said the nice lady on the other end of the line.
Count to ten before you say anything, I thought to myself.
I know she didn’t mean it. She just didn’t know any better.
What she meant was, she counted on me to help her get the word out about her events.
She wanted publicity. And I wanted her to have it.
Most folks don’t know the difference between publicity and advertising.
Publicity is free. Advertising costs money.
You can imagine why that difference is crucial, especially with small town newspapers feeling the crunch of spiraling costs of paper, dwindling revenue from classifieds, and the general encroachment of the web on the news business.
Asking for free advertising is a sure way to make an enemy out of any local newspaper editor worth his salt.
A while back, I sent a press release to a newspaper in our region, which they graciously printed for a particular organization. For free. It was publicity.
The next time our organization had a meeting, one dear lady complained that another nonprofit organization was getting more attention than we were.
Don’t say a word, I thought to myself.
Later that day, I called a sales person at that paper and asked what the cost would have been if we had paid for it.
$800.
At the next meeting I pointed out what the free press release was worth.
Just for the record, there are some spots in the newspaper that are not for sale at any price.
Just so you’ll know, I write this column for free because I have a thing for community newspapers.
When nonprofit organizations demand publicity or want a price break on advertising, one experienced newspaperman in Central Texas puts it this way.
“You may be nonprofit, but I’m not.”
Advertising is the engine that drives the train. Publicity is a comfy passenger car that gets people places. It can also contribute to a better newspaper and a better community. Publicity has its place.
One word of advise, though, if you want to stay in the good graces of the newspaper editors and publishers you know, don’t call up asking for free advertising.
They want to pay their employees. They are in business.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Slithery snakes, sexual abuse, and being brave

I have a fear of having a snake show up in my garage.
Lest you think I am paranoid, this actually happens in my neighborhood from time to time. If you live in the country, you know what I mean.
I am not afraid of snakes in my yard and have learned to identify the common East Texas varieties.
I know I can take a deep breath, get my shovel, and cut the heads off the venomous varieties. I’ve done it so often that I am confident that I am the smarter, faster adversary.
But there is something so claustrophobic about meeting up with a snake, of any variety, in close quarters. It gives me the creeps and makes my skin crawl.
I have a very beautiful friend who has the cleanest, most ship-shape home I know. She is the last person on earth to find a snake in the garage, especially since she lives right in the heart of Tyler, surrounded by neighbors, neatly fenced yards, and concrete curbing.
Not like out here where we live, surrounded by woods, pastures, and oil top lanes.
One day she found a snake in her domain, all right.
And not in the garage, either.
That snake found his way to her master bedroom and was relaxing near her bed! Imagine the panic.
That was the snake’s final and most deadly activity – for him.
My friend’s brave and dashing grandson had the snake decapitated in no time.
On any given week day, in courtrooms all across the US, victims of sexual abuse are taking the stand to testify, often about close friends and trusted family members.
You may wonder how parents could not notice, but the truth is, just like snakes, sexual predators are sneaky and slithery.
This column is dedicated to the young victims who have the courage to testify.
Thank you for taking another snake out of action.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

What’s Next? Life after kids

There’s life after kids.
“You’ve got 30 more years,” said one friend recently, “That’s a lifetime of things you could do.”
Once parents get over the shock of sending their last nestling out the door, guess what? An empty nest turns out to be fabulous, especially having time to focus on grown-up stuff.
If you are facing May with trepidation as your youngest graduates from high school, now is a great time to make a list entitled “What’s Next” and post it on the fridge.
To get you started, here are some categories of things you have probably been wishing you had time for the last, oh say, eighteen plus years.
Serve the Community. Nonprofits, like for instance Habitat for Humanity’s Rehabitat program, can always use willing hands. I also like the idea of animal therapy programs, like using horses to help special needs kiddoes or dogs to visit the elderly.
Seek Justice. Groups like CASA and the East Crisis Center serve those who have been the victims of violence.
Pursue a New skill. Think of all the high-tech photography or video editing that is available now. Or what about something you always wanted time for, like a painting class at TJC?
Start a Second Careers. With a recession, this could be a terrific time to try something new on the side.
Ministry. Give a single mom a break with a little house or yard work. Or get involved with a prison ministry.
Travel. Colleges offer trips at student-inspired low prices. Take a trip with your almost grown kids. Better yet, line up a weekend with your siblings sans offspring. Or travel to a third world country and build a water well.
Politics. Run for school board or city counsel. Attend a party convention or walk your block for candidates.
Write your memoirs. Or tape a video of family history for the grandkids and beyond.
Volunteer in a public school. Adopt a school.
In fact, with so many fun things waiting to do, your kids may have to call ahead to get on your calendar.
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Power of the Spoken Word

As a parent, if you learn anything in life, you learn that teenagers are full of truth.
‘Course it can come at the most unexpected times and in the most unusual ways.
“People can use their words for good, of course, but they can also use them for destruction,” said my current favorite teenager on the way to middle school one morning.
Really? Did he really just open up that conversation, I thought, as I grappled with the idea that we were fixing to have a serious discussion before I finished my first cup of caffeine.
His point was simple.
He had been observing at school that while kids were frequently just awful with the stuff they said to each other – no news there – that, well, a kind word could give vision to a kid who didn’t have many positive thoughts directed his way.
It reminded me that God’s word is a two-edged sword, but in a different kind of way.
Both “sword edges” of God’s word are for good because He is Himself good.
Whether His word convicts our hearts or confirms our wholesome convictions, His message serves us in good ways. Always, His thoughts and His ideas are for the benefit of those who love Him.
At the same time, His message is also always for the benefit of those who reject Him. Even as people run from God and reject Him, He still seeks them out in love.
In other words, because God is wholly good, His message is good at every level and in every way for anyone, even those who hate Him. He is just that good.
On the other hand, people are not 100% good. Basically, our words are a two- edged sword that reflects the duality of our nature – the desire to be selfish and the desire to be unselfish.
Is there any place where that is more obvious than middle school?
“I just told him he is intelligent, Mom,” said my son, “I don’t think many people tell him that.”
Using truth to create hope.
What a truth-full teenager!
Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Bond woes and other questions

With the state budget shortfall promising to ravage ISD budgets as soon as next fall, now is a great time to take a hard look at how bond proposals can fail, especially during a recession.

A case in point is the TISD bond proposal that failed most recently.

As early as 1976, the TISD lost what proved to be a string of bond proposals that the taxpayers refused to endorse. Until the passage of the elementary school packages in recent years, it could be argued that Smith County had some pretty tight-fisted citizens.

So, why didn’t Smith County taxpayers continue supporting desperately needed middle schools?

Is it just the recession, as some have suggested?

I don’t think so.

There are at least two race-related questions that were never addressed in the Vote Yes campaign.

First, by building the initial middle school on the south side are we in denial about the lingering affects of racism that haunt the north side of town?

It could be argued that building where there is already an over-population of students simply makes sense. Granted, Tyler’s long-range plans are a step in the right direction for seeing economic growth on the north side of town.

However, I think the public wants to be assured that civic leaders, including TISD officials, are committed to an undivided city. Officials owe it to the taxpayers to explain how building the first middle school in south Tyler will benefit the city in the long run, not just immediately.

Second, is bussing really a cost effective way to manage our student demographics in a culture that is – thankfully - more racially integrated than it once was?

Did you know that bussing is an expense left over from the days when African American parents consolidated their church-based schools in order to offer opportunities similar to those afforded in white schools? Bussing was not actually a solution to the problem of segregation; it was one of the symptoms. Just ask any African American old enough to remember being bussed past white schools in the 40s and 50s. School districts of the 50s would provide a bus to black high schools in order to avoid letting black and white children attend together.

The budget issues facing the TISD are complex. With the state budget shortfall, now is a great time to rethink our traditional ways of paying for education.

I remember 1976 because I was a junior at Robert E. Lee High School and part of a group that campaigned in favor of the bond issue.

If Tyler desperately needed new school buildings 30 years ago, there can be no doubt that we need them more than ever now.

I hope the right issues get addressed next time around.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Public Education and Hypocrisy

The public schools are educating kids for about the same price tag as the private schools in East Texas, based on the Texas Comptroller’s Financial Allocation Study for Texas or FAST report.

I think that’s pretty big news, especially when you consider the public schools can’t just bounce out the kids who misbehave and cause chaos in the classroom.

The classroom is not the place for social services, along with naughty to violent behavior.

And yet, most public school teachers spend a good chunk of their teaching time dealing with issues that are related to bad behavior and disrespectfulness.

There also is a laundry list of social services available, mandated by legislative and judicial bodies and administered through the public school system, mostly by overworked teachers.

Most of it has nothing to do with education. Some of the bureaucracy is simply related to keeping control in the classroom.

In the meantime, teachers are burdened with all kinds of accountability disguised as testing. Unfortunately, we are holding the wrong people accountable.

Modern language has twisted the meaning of the word hypocrisy.

Jesus made his most scathing remarks to people He labeled as hypocrites, so it is kinda crucial to know who is a hypocrite.

Basically, if I tell my kids to do as I say, not as I do – which, by the way, is something I tell them regularly - I am not being a hypocrite in the biblical sense of the word.

On the other hand, if I act super-spiritual, burdening people with foolishness, especially if I take on a leadership role, then, bingo, I am a hypocrite of biblical proportions.

So, what has the biblical definition of hypocrisy got to do with public education and the bureaucracy of taxpayer funded schools?

Basically, as a culture, we are guilty of a major kind of hypocrisy.

As taxpayers, we are claiming to fund education when what we are actually funding is juvenile detention for a large percentage of “students.”

Unfortunately, because we are putting a gentle “education face” on a serious cultural “juvenile delinquency problem”, the kids who go to school to learn are getting short-changed.

Pretending to educate when we are really committed to using public schools to keep delinquents off the streets is a serious kind of hypocrisy.

It should go without saying that the classroom is for educating those who want an education. For everyone else, we need juvenile detention.

And we need leaders who will tell the truth about it.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Red Shoe Philosophy

Valentine’s Day is not really about love at all. It is all about philosophy.

For this reason, I think it is important to note philosophical issues, especially the ones related to Valentine’s Day.

For instance, the Red Shoe Philosophy is one noteworthy theory that seems particularly relevant as Valentine’s Day approaches.

The Red Shoe Philosophy is simple: If you wear red shoes you will have a good day.

This semi-scientifically tested theory seems to hold true regardless of bad hair days, by the way. Or extra weigh gained over the holidays.

There is something so invigorating about a high-healed pair of red pumps.

I especially liked the picture I saw recently of a pair of red tennis shoes under a prom dress.

Or red cowboy boots; yeehaw!

Not only does a gal in red shoes walk with a little extra spring, she puts a smile on the face of anybody who happens to catch a glimpse of her lipstick-colored footwear.

The reason I think the Red Shoe Philosophy is relevant for Valentine’s Day is because a lot of single gals detest this holiday.

There’s something so disappointing for single gals about the heartbreaking combination of a holiday that emphasizes chocolate and having no one to give you any.

Having the right philosophy is self-empowering.

The great news is, you get to choose your own podiatral adornments. And shoes don’t add calories to your diet.

Like a gal in a zippy red sports car, you can leave all those single guys idling in the wake of your glimmering, flashes of self-confidence.

Or for the guy who is the lucky lover of a gal who buys into the whole Red Shoe Philosophy, here’s another philosophical pearl that is sure to come in handy when you rush out at the last minute in a Valentine’s Day buying panic.

Gals love shoes. Especially red ones. Hint, hint.

So, for the guy desperately trying to please his sweetheart, some pertinent philosophical perspectives seem especially relevant this time of year.

Just buy jewelry.

Or check in her closet for her shoe size.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.

Famous Quotes by Non-Famous People

“All perspectives are valid, but not all perspectives are (pause) mature,” she said with a twinkle in her eye, addressing her audience of mommies and daddies for the first time as they sat in the miniature chairs their kiddoes would be squirming in soon.

Loretta Van Cleave, kindergarten teacher of both my girls, was definitely in the position to witness the maturity of small people and people who should have known better.

I’m sure she would say that her life was fulfilling, but it wasn’t long enough to suit those of us who loved her. Still, she left behind an inheritance of succinct, practical wisdom, demonstrated with a heart attitude that made everybody want to play nicely.

I’ve been collecting quotes for years. Me, the girl who can’t remember her own phone number and who deletes all names necessary for introductions at the exact moment of any handshake.

For some reason, I store non-famous peoples’ quotes away instantaneously and recall them without any effort at all. Unlike names and other crucial information, like where I put my car keys.

I heard a couple of doozies lately.

“God does not honor complaining. He honors thankfulness,” said Johnnie Herndon as she pinned the hem of my trousers to prepare them for alteration. Johnnie and I are friends because she works at Alterations by Sylvia’s. I’m in there a lot because slacks are always too long for short, fluffy girls; not that I’m complaining. Actually, I was complaining to Johnnie about how people always complain. She was sympathetic and oh-so-gentle.

“Everything a man does to get a wife, he needs to do to keep her,” said Byron Henderson in front of my son and my husband as we were saying goodnight to our guests. Byron, an air conditioning specialist and also an associate pastor of Galilee Baptist Church, had just finished a discussion with a group of my son’s friends about being a Godly man. I wasn’t invited to the discussion, but was simply reappearing to shake his hand and say thank you.

I’m pretty sure Byron’s quote is one I will never forget.

I might even have occasion to use it.

My son’s future wife will thank me someday, I bet.

But I guess that could be a matter of perspective.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives and writes with a Texas twang. Comments are invited at checklistcharlie.blogspot.com.