Hospital Gift Checklist

The hospital has become something of a sanctuary for me; a place of worship; a portal, if you will, between earth and eternity.
If the hospital is a holy temple, then the men and women who work there are the priests, overseeing the rituals involved as some souls enter this world in tiny, new bodies and some souls exit.
Then, there are the souls in ICU, hovering, as if trying to decide if staying in this dominion is worth the effort to get better.
I spent last week bedside in ICU at ETMC with a beloved friend who was hovering. I was not the primary caregiver, just part of the B Team, a small circle of family and friends trying to help.
Watching my friend and her husband cope with the crisis reminded me of how important help is in life’s critical moments.
So, today’s list is tips for bringing the right gifts to the hospital.
-Flowers seem like the perfect thing, but actually, they are a bad choice. Space is limited and vases just create a task for family after the flowers are gone. Besides, the patient may be more sensitive to smells than usual and your flowers may get thrown away as soon as you walk out the door. Anyway, you don’t want the room to feel like a funeral parlor. It is better to bring a small, bright poster that can be taped to the wall to brighten the room. Better yet, bring a stack of pictures from the most recent fun event before the crisis. Pictures give the patient and caretaker a starting point for happy conversation at a time when everyone is trying not to worry. They even give the patient something to talk about with the next round of visitors.
-Food is trickier than you would think. For instance, baskets take up space, so small gift bags are preferable because they can be thrown away or folded, saved and used to carry stuff home from the hospital. Individually wrapped servings are best, even though you would think that the vending machine snacks would suffice. Actually, the snacks in the vending machines are just what a caretaker or patient does not need; sugary or salty treats, loaded with carbs and fat. Our favorite gift last week was zip lock bag with one apple, one perfect pear, and a throw-away paring knife. The knife was the big ticket item because we had been wishing for a knife but forgetting to bring one from home.
-Speaking of vending machines, I would have loved a handful of quarters last week and I kept forgetting to go by the bank. Next time you are at the hospital, just empty your pocket of any quarters or one dollar bills and leave them so the family will have change for the vending machines or the parking lots.
-Travel toiletries are a huge benefit because invariably one of us would forget a toothbrush. Sometimes it becomes necessary to spend the night on a cot next to the patient without any time to make plans. A gift bag with toothbrushes, small toothpastes, deodorants, mouthwash, sugar-free breath mints, gum, individually wrapped antibacterial wipes, nail clippers, and chap stick is sure to be a hit. It’s amazing how much fresh breath does to make a person feel more human again. Painting the patient’s fingernail can be a morale boost, if you bring a pale, pastel polish and have time to do it yourself, but be sensitive to the patient because it could be bad timing.
-Entertainment items can be just the thing if you know the patient and the caretaker well enough to know what they like to do. The problem is that when a person is in the hospital, they are often so tired or depressed that they don’t feel like doing their normal hobbies. On the other hand, hours of boredom are not exactly life-affirming.
Here are my best universal ideas for that patient and caretaker that you know and love: water colors or crayon, acrylics and canvas boards with paint brushes, cross word puzzle books, audio books and a small player, or magazines.
-A nice, long novel with a light-weight plot and a happy ending is a good choice for the caretaker, but usually the patient is too worn out to read. Reading out loud to the patient can be a thoughtful gesture, if you choose something that is not brooding or overly spiritual.
Remember that laughter is good medicine and you will probably make the right choice.
-An hour of your time. All visits should be five minutes or less, except when you are a close enough friend to give the caretaker an hour off, or even the whole afternoon off. There is nothing like a nice long nap at home when you have been bedside in ICU for days. Time to run to the bank, pay bills, get a haircut, or attend a regular evening meeting or Sunday morning church service can be the best gift of all.
Next week, I’ll list the things folks can do that will be of real help and the things that inadvertently make matters worse.
Also, don’t forget that our list of favorite charities is coming up just in time for holiday giving, so now is the time to send me your favorites. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives in East Texas, an area known for its excellent medical facilities and health care professionals.